AITA for refusing to attend my brother’s wedding if his fiancée’s dog is there?
AITA for refusing to attend my brother’s wedding if his fiancée’s dog is there?
My older brother is getting married next month. The issue is his fiancée insists on bringing her golden retriever to the ceremony and reception, even though it’ll be held at an indoor banquet hall.
I’ve always been honest about my severe dog allergy (hives) I told her months ago, kindly, that I wouldn’t be able to stay if the dog was present. She brushed it off, saying he’s family too and that I could just take allergy meds. Last week, my brother called in tears, saying his fiancée feels I’m trying to ruin her day and now his future in laws think I hate dogs and am being selfish.
He asked if I would just deal for a few hours because it’s too late to change plans. I’m hurt and I love my brother and was looking forward to standing beside him, but I also don’t want to spend the whole night sneezing and wheezing or, worst case, end up needing an EpiPen.
My parents say I should suck it up for family so I offered to be present for the rehearsal photos, everything else, but they say the wedding won’t be the same without me. Honestly, I’m so sad. It’s his big day, but I also think my health matters. AITA for saying I won’t attend if the dog is there?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Standard-Help-8531 wrote:
NTA - honestly, I’d ask her which would ruin her wedding more - if her dog is not standing in the wedding vs the best man/brother of groom passing out mid ceremony and having to stop everything to EpiPen him on the alter ?
Her logic doesn’t even make sense.
SeriesSuspiciout2469 wrote:
I’m just curious, how much contact is detrimental to your health? I also am allergic to dogs but it only really bothers me if I’m petting them or if they are really close to me. If the venue is large and you stay away from the dog, would it still trigger your allergies? I often see service dogs in stores and those don’t bother my allergies because I’m not touching them or right near them.
GreekAmericanDom wrote:
NTA. There is a petty side of me, which says give everyone exactly what they want. Go, with an epipen. As soon as the allergies get bad enough, use and call an ambulance to take you to the hospital to deal with it all.
Let them live the consequences you warned them about. Now, this is just petty revenge fantasy. You should not put your own health at risk for something like this, which of course means, you are not an AH for having a medical condition that precludes you joining their plans.
SatantheSadist wrote:
YTA. A single dog in a big banquet hall that you don’t need to interact with is going to give you severe hives? I seriously doubt that. How do you walk down the street? Have you never gone into their house? Will you never be able to because your allergy is so severe you can’t even be in a room a dog has been in?
cawtichan wrote:
ESH. Your family for pressuring you when you've said no. You, because: Are they getting married in a closet? If the wedding is in a reasonably large venue, just don't go near the dog! If you are so allergic that being in a large space with a single dog is a health risk, then how do you go anywhere?
petty-penelope wrote:
I'll probably be downvoted, but YTA. You state the reaction is hives. You said you've never actually had anaphylaxis which would require an Epi, so it's just dramatizing to think you'd suddenly need one after 1-2 hours max of contact. It's also highly unusual to have an allergy that only causes hives be triggered just standing near the animal and not touching it.
If it was truly THAT severe you'd be triggered just being around her from the dog hair on their stuff/clothes. Her dog is her fam. Having had the bestest boy that quite literally kept me from unaliving I TOTALLY get wanting it in the ceremony as a ring bearer or something. This is a day where you compromise so the couple has their perfect memory.
Take some benadryl and be there for them during the ceremony. You can cover the $20 for a bottle of really good Furminator shampoo and I am sure brother will be happy to de-shed it the day before. Take pics between the reception and ceremony. They'll understand if you need to skip the reception. Health and relationships with brother are protected.
indicatprincess wrote:
NTA. I spent 3 years getting immunity shots for dogs and cats….I STILL cannot spend 2-3 hours in my MILs house for long because she has dogs. Dogs punch through all my allergy meds. The wedding is optional for you, fortunately. The bride doesn’t need more drama to deal with. If allergy meds aren’t possible, you can’t go.
KaliTheBlaze wrote:
NTA. I’d have sympathy for his fiancé’s stance if this was a needed service dog; then there’d be a real choice to be made between the attendance of close family and the need for a service dog. I had a service dog for 9 years, and am waiting for a successor, so I have occasionally had friends and family having to decide what to do about allergies, because it was a severe hardship for me to not have the dog.
But this poor pet dog is going to be miserable and stressed. Big parties like this are not a kind thing to do to your dog. They’re not trained for it, they’re not used to it, and the odds of something going awry are high.
And really, the dog being stressed out is the smaller problem here - the fact that you can’t safely come to your sibling’s wedding because she is so enmeshed with her dog that she can’t celebrate her wedding without him is awful! I’d be really sad and hurt if my sibling was making a choice that meant I couldn’t safely attend her wedding, and we don’t even like each other.