'AITA for refusing to attend my mom's friends daughter's wedding?'
"AITA for refusing to attend my mom's friends daughter's wedding?"
Hello there, So this story started a long long time ago so please forgive me if my memory is a bit fuzzy. However this event does float around my head from time to time and I keep wandering if I was the asshole or if I was justified in my response.
A while ago back when I was around about 19 years old. (I am 30 now) my mom had her friend around to visit for a few days. My mom and her friend "Rachel" are very close to each other however me and Rachel do not have any form of close relationship. I can tolerate her and be friendly but I always have a feeling that our personalities clash and sometimes we get ourselves into uncomfortable situations.
My Mom and Rachel were both discussing the wedding of Rachels daughter, 'Ellen' (Who was in her late 30s at this point) From the few times I have seen her she seemed like a lovely lady but again, me and Ellen were not that close either. Not that we did not like each other but the amount of times that I have met her I can count on one hand. So we pretty much knew each other existed but that was about it.
As they were discussing the wedding Rachel turned to me and asked me if I was going to be able to make it to the wedding with my Mom. At this time I did not even know that Ellen even was getting married. I looked at her and asked her who was going to be there other than me and my Mom. She started to list off a bunch of names that I had no idea who they were or names that I barely recognized.
After she stopped she was looking at me expectantly and I had apologised to her and basically said to her that unfortunately I would be extremely uncomfortable going somewhere that I didn't know, and be with a huge gathering of people that I had no knowledge of for many hours in a row.
My Mom was very understanding as she knew how difficult it is for me to function in large crowds, especially if that large crowd was full of people I did not know and she said that was fine.
Rachel however had the opposite reaction. Tried to make excuses for why I can go, That my mother was going to be there and that she would be disappointing Ellen a lot if I did not go. I said to her that I did not really know Ellen all that well and we had only met a handful of times so I doubted that she would be that disappointed by my absence considering that we were not even friends.
I don't remember the words that were exchanged but me and Rachel had an argument in front of my Mom who very much stayed out of the argument and watched it continue, which I understand because what do you say when your son and best friend are fighting in front of you.
When she left my mom came to my room and asked if I was sure I did not want to go and I said to her "Most definitely not now after that." After the wedding, she looked through photos with my mom in the living room and made off hand remarks about how I would be in them if I had attended, Which I gave no attention and just returned to my room until she left. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SigSauerPower320 wrote:
NTA. You're an adult and you didn't want to attend the wedding of what is basically a complete stranger. I think it's odd to invite someone to a wedding when they don't know either the bride or groom. You barely know Rachel let along Ellen.
swillshop wrote:
NTA.
You have NO idea if Ellen wanted you at the wedding or had any idea her mom was inviting you.
Rachel probably wanted you there because she felt that she should have a certain number of "HER" friends in attendance, even if you were not really her friend. It's also possible she wanted you there to meet someone.
No, you did not need to be more polite to Rachel. She needed a blunt 'no' because she is clearly someone ready to steamroll over you if you give her the slightest chance. A blunt 'no' made it hard for her to whittle away at your reasons.
(So glad your mom supported you!)
Traditional_Taro8156 wrote:
"...what do you say when your son and best friend are fighting in front of you." You tell your BF to back the f off. Or something nicer.
You were a kid and totally caught off guard. What were YOU supposed to do when your mom's friend started ragging on you? NTA. Please put this out of your mind, you did nothing wrong. Mom's friend is a weirdo.
Wise-Matter9248 wrote:
NTA, but you probably could have phrased it more tactfully. "Oh I will have to check my calendar, and I will have my mom let you know."
Or
"No, I am sorry, I have another engagement that day." "Oh, I hadn't heard about the wedding until today, I'm not sure I can make it, but I will let you know."
Or
"I'm sorry. I don't know Ellen well, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable being there on such an important day."
calenka89 wrote:
NTA. Your mom’s friend is weird and pushy, that’s a given, but your mother really should have stepped up on your behalf. Rachel may be her friend, but you’re her child and that takes priority. I’m not a mother, but I couldn’t imagine sitting back and watching my “friend” argue with my barely adult child. She should have shut that down the moment Rachel tried to give any pushback.