'AITA for refusing to attend my mother’s wedding?' 'She cheated on my dad with her coworker.'
"AITA for refusing to attend my mother’s wedding after she cheated on my dad with her coworker?"
My (25M) world turned upside down two years ago when I found out that my mother (48F) had been having an affair with one of her coworkers (50M). My parents had been married for nearly 30 years, and I always thought they had the perfect relationship.
They were the couple that everyone in the neighborhood admired—a true team, or so I believed. One day, my dad (50M) sat me and my younger sister (20F) down and told us that he and Mom were getting a divorce.
I was shocked and devastated. My dad is a quiet man, always the steady presence in our lives, and seeing the pain in his eyes broke me. He didn’t go into details at first, but a few weeks later, after I pressed him, he admitted that Mom had been unfaithful.
I was furious, heartbroken, and felt utterly betrayed. My mom tried to explain herself, saying that she and my dad had grown apart and that she had found "love" again. But all I could see was the destruction she had left in her wake. My dad was a shell of the man he once was, and my sister struggled to cope with the fallout, turning to therapy and cutting off almost all contact with Mom.
Fast forward to a month ago: My mom announced that she was getting remarried to the man she had cheated with. She expected me to be happy for her, even asked me to walk her down the aisle since my sister refused.
The idea of celebrating their union, after everything it destroyed, made me sick to my stomach. I told her flat-out that I wouldn’t be attending the wedding. She was furious, called me ungrateful and unsupportive, and accused me of being childish.
She said that I was choosing sides and that she deserved to be happy. But I can’t shake the image of my dad, alone and broken, trying to rebuild his life while she gets her happily ever after with the man who ruined ours.
My extended family is split. Some say I should go to keep the peace and support my mom, while others say they understand why I’m refusing. My dad hasn’t weighed in much, but I know deep down that my absence would mean a lot to him.
I can’t help but feel conflicted, though. Am I being too harsh? Should I just swallow my pride and attend for the sake of family unity? Or am I justified in standing my ground? AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
charmer143 said:
NTA. Even if your mother is in a genuinely happy place now, the way she got there was through cheating, and it tore your family apart. That's not something she can just expect you to get over. You don't have to attend her wedding if you don't want to.
Even if you force yourself, I'm sure your mood will only make things awkward for everyone. This is the consequence of your mother's actions. She just has to make her peace with it the way you, your sister, and father have to figure out how to move on after what your mother did.
RaddishSlaw said:
NTA. Tell whoever is pressurising you to attend to butt out. The decision is yours and yours alone as it is you who has to live with the consequences of your decision.
frozenbroccolis said:
NTA. Your mother’s actions have consequences and this is one of them.
StellaSunflower31 said:
NTA. You’re not wrong for refusing to go. Your mum’s affair tore your family apart, and it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to support her new relationship.
This isn’t about being petty—it’s about protecting yourself and standing by your dad. You have every right to set boundaries and put your feelings first. Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to celebrate something that caused so much pain.
Fantastic_Quarter_79 said:
If you are unhappy in your marriage, you don’t cheat. You leave. Your mother put her happiness first when she had the affair. You and your sister get to put your happiness first and not attend her wedding. NTA.
Michaelsoftman56 said:
NTA. Your mom decided to cheat, everything resulting from that is her fault. Plain and simple.