'AITA for refusing to attend my sister-in-law's child-free wedding and going to Fiji instead?'
"AITA for refusing to attend my sister-in-law's child-free wedding and going to Fiji instead?"
So my partner (M26) and I (F24) have a 4-month-old son. We announced our pregnancy in 2024 and he was born on his due date in July 2025. A couple months after we announced, my partner’s sister got engaged. And months later set the wedding date for the same day as our child’s 1st birthday.
I’ve been super involved in helping her plan the wedding, we’re close in age, good friends, and she’s doing a destination wedding on a tiny island in the Pacific. Because the island is so small, the plan has always been that me, my partner, our child, his siblings and their partners would stay a few days on the island for the wedding, then all head to Fiji afterwards to have a family holiday trip.
All good, until today, when we got the official invitation. It’s strictly adults-only and addressed only to me and my partner. No kids allowed, including our son. I honestly didn’t have an issue with it at first. Her wedding, her rules. But since there is zero childcare on this island and we absolutely are not going to leave our child alone in our home country, we told her we are unable to come because of this rule.
Now my SIL is furious because she found out we were still going to meet the other siblings in Fiji and she’s creating a fuss and saying we “must” find someone to watch him so we can still attend. She doesn’t seem to understand that there’s literally no childcare on this random island and even if there was, we wouldn’t leave him for his first birthday.
She thinks we’re being dramatic. We think it’s simple: if kids aren’t invited, we respect that and we make other plans. Especially since we’d already planned Fiji to be our son’s birthday trip too. So… AITA for not going to the wedding and going to Fiji instead since our child isn’t invited? To clarify: she was never coming to Fiji after.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
M_is_for_Mmmichael said:
NTA. As someone who had a child free wedding, I was fully prepared and accepting of the fact that some of the people I invited may not choose to attend.
MyKinksKarma said:
NTA. The rule for both childfree and destination weddings is that they aren't rude so long as you gracefully accept that these types of weddings create significant costs and/or inconveniences for their guests which might lead them to decline. It's fine for a bride & groom to have the wedding of their dreams but it is not fine to expect other people to put themselves too far out.
As a mom, I enjoy childfree weddings because I love getting the opportunity to socialize in adults-only environments as a stay at home mom of over a decade. But as a mom, I would not leave an infant with strangers on a small foreign island where I didn't know anyone.
As long as you are not making demands of her to make an exception for your child, she's T A for not politely accepting declines, regardless of reason.
chrestomancy said:
NTA. It is not rude to ask for a wedding to be child-free. It is also not rude to decline a wedding that is child free if you have kids. Even if you were not on a tiny island hundreds of miles from home, you can decline due to not wanting to leave your kid for a whole day when they are 1 year old.
It is a little weird that you were involved in the planning, and it is only when the invites went out that you find out it is "child-free". And I would be very wary of calling anybody a friend who throws a tantrum because I can't come to their wedding due to the rules they set. They are getting married. They won't really notice your absence, they will be too busy.
CuteYou676 said:
NTA. A wedding invitation is not a jury summons; attendance is NOT compulsory. She needs to understand that there are a couple of things that are going to limit people's attendance to her "perfect day":
1) Destination wedding, usually too much expense for a lot of folks, and 2) Child-free weddings will make parents have to choose. The fact that there is not an option for child care even for a few hours eliminates your ability to attend. Add in that it's literally on your son's first birthday and her wedding isn't even a blip on the radar.
She made her rules, you are just abiding by them. Problem is, she doesn't like that you are abiding by her rules. Her wedding does not dictate your life. She hates being slapped in the face with that reality...
OttersAreCute215 said:
NTA. If you do not have childcare, you cannot go to the wedding.
yeahipostedthat said:
NTA. She's being very illogical here. Who does she expect to watch your child on a random island?