'AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she demoted me?'

"AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she demoted me?"

My sister and I have always had a complicated relationship, but we’ve managed to stay civil. When she got engaged, she asked me to be part of the wedding party. I said yes and was so genuinely happy about it. I love her and I honestly hoped and thought this would be a chance for us to finally strengthen our bond.

I helped with planning, attended fittings, rearranged my schedule, and spent a decent amount of money because I was excited to be involved and felt included for once. A few weeks before the wedding, she told me she was restructuring things and decided I’d no longer be in the wedding party because she wanted a more cohesive vibe whatever that means sigh...anyway I was still invited as a guest.

I was really hurt and asked if I had done something wrong. She said I didn’t do anything it just felt right for her vision. I told her I felt used, considering the time, effort, and money I’d already put in.

She apologized for how it came across but said it’s her wedding and she’s allowed to change her mind. I told her that being suddenly demoted after everything made me feel unwanted, and that I didn’t feel comfortable attending at all under those circumstances.

Now my family says I’m making her wedding about me and causing unnecessary drama. My sister says she understands why I’m hurt but thinks skipping the wedding entirely is extreme. Sitting here typing this, I wonder whether our relationship is salvageable, how can someone you love betray you this much?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Kindly-Wrongdoer118 said:

You are right to feel used. She can either pay you back, or at least pay for your hotel to make up for what she did, or I personally wouldn’t go. NTA.

DanDamage12 said:

NTA. You have every right to be hurt. If it were me I’d just go and spend time with your family. It’s one day. You’d barely see her outside of pictures. I’d also have the expectation you’d be reimbursed. I’d also return the energy for our relationship. She’s telling you how much you mean to her and I’d respond with the same going forward.

MithosYggdrasill1992 said:

NTA. I would let your family know that you spent every single up until this last two weeks assuming you were in the wedding party. You spent money for her because you were in the wedding party.

We did a lot of work that you would not have done before you just a guest. She used you and then dropped you. That was her intention the whole time. That’s why she’s waited till the last second to tell you.

Whattheartgarfunkel said:

NTA - To your family saying you’re making it about you, tell them you’re not. It’s your sister’s day and she’s free to do whatever she wants. But if she does something that hurts others it’s not on the others to just accept it.

Ask your family to reimburse you for the time/money you spent planning the wedding and then you’ll attend. If they see what your sister did as no big deal they should have no problem paying you back.

Horse-At-Sea said:

NTA. Your sister must’ve known you spent out that money to get ready to be part of the bridal party only for her to take it away because of vibes or something. I don’t blame for not going why should you if that’s what your sister thinks of you to take out of the bridal party? You shouldn’t think much of going to her wedding.

Sufficient-Opposite3 said:

NTA. I guess the question is, do you want to go to the wedding? I think you have the right to do what is in your heart. Don't worry about her or your family. What do you want to do? It's ok to have boundaries and make decisions that are best for you.

I don't think you're making this all about you or creating unnecessary drama. Your sister did that. This drama is 100% on her.