Last year, my family decided to organize a massive reunion with a "Back to Our Roots" theme, celebrating our shared heritage. Everyone was excited, and there were plans for cultural foods, traditional clothing, and even a genealogist to talk about our family tree. Given the theme, I thought it would be fun to do one of those DNA tests to learn more about my specific heritage.
Well, the results were shocking—I discovered I'm not biologically related to my family. It turns out I was adopted, something my parents never told me. When I confronted them, they admitted that they wanted to protect me from feeling different as my adoption circumstances were complicated.
Feeling betrayed and lost, I told my family I wouldn't be attending the reunion. They were upset and argued that family isn’t just about blood. They said I was ruining a joyful occasion and being unreasonable, especially since they have always treated me as their own. So, AITA for not wanting to participate in a reunion that celebrates a heritage that isn't mine, right after such a monumental personal discovery?
IanDOsmond said:
You are hurt for not being told you are adopted, but you were adopted, and that means that the heritage is yours. You belong at that family reunion as much as anyone.
It is ironic that your parents wanting you to not feel different is what is making you feel different. Because you aren't different. Adopted children are just as much part of the family and heritage as bio children.
Be upset and feel betrayed at your parents keeping this from you – that is fine and reasonable. But don't let this throw you into thinking that you don't belong or that that isn't your family or your heritage.
I absolutely would demand an apology from my parents and an acknowledgement that they made a mistake and did exactly the opposite thing of what they intended to do. And then, after they apologized, I would go to the reunion with them, because they are my parents and that is my family.
Bugsy_girl252 said:
I’m adopted and one thing my parents always said to me was “we picked you, your siblings just showed up." Being adopted can be and is for me the greatest gift. My life would have been completely different not in a good way if I hadn’t been adopted. I hope you find peace with it. It sounds like your family loves you.
emryldmyst said:
Yta. They're your family.
chtmarc said:
There is a LOT going on here. You need some counseling for sure. I get why you’re upset. First thing I think I want to know is the circumstances behind my adoption. Maybe tell them you just need a little break. NTA and good luck.
cgrobin1 said:
You may not have been born into that culture but you were adopted into it. I am betting there will be others attending who weren't born in to it either. They married into it. Right now you are hurting from the news, but try to remember for your parents, you weren't simply an accident of birth.
They chose you and have loved you unconditionally, despite not having created you. You are as entitled to celebrate the culture you were raised in, as much as anyone else. It really comes down to whether your feelings are too raw to enjoy yourself.
On the flip side, how many people will be in attendance who have loved you all your life, will you miss out on spending time with? NTA.
-OMEGA-EGOIST- said:
YTA. This is insanely selfish. They adopted you, raised you so well that you never even questioned if you were adopted, loved you, invited you to the family heritage event Instead of celebrating all of these positives (that I’m sure many adopted kids would kill for) you’re instead making it about you