'AITA for refusing to babysit during vacation, even though I have no other plans?'

"AITA for refusing to babysit during vacation, even though I have no other plans?"

My family owns a small vacation house in Florida and the whole family spends a week there every other year. This year’s trip is coming up in 3 weeks. The people coming are my brother (32M), his wife, and their 2 kids (8M and 5F); my sister (26F), her husband, and their kid (4M); and me (28M, single and childfree). We’re each paying our own way.

The other day, my sister called and told me that she and brother had planned a “couples day” with their spouses in the middle of the week. The idea was that the two couples would spend the day on the water and then go to a nice restaurant for dinner. She asked if I could watch the kids during this time. I said no. She thought I was joking until I doubled down, and then she got audibly annoyed.

She kept asking why not, why can’t I help out this one time, why am I being so selfish. Look, I like my nephews and niece, and they’re good kids. But I’m not a “kid person”. I’ve babysat them before, and hated it, even though I love them. I don’t want to spend vacation babysitting, even if it’s only for one day (and it would be the whole day).

She asked what other plans I had that day, and I said none. That made her mad, and she kept saying that if I have no plans, there’s no reason I can’t watch the kids. I said I would spend the day enjoying myself, whatever I ended up doing, and it wouldn’t involve kids. She got so mad she hung up on me, but she and brother have both been texting asking me to change my mind.

In the past, my parents have watched the kids while the couples have a date night, but they’re not able to come to vacation this year. I feel like it’s not my responsibility to watch their kids, and I have a right to say no, but that I also might be an asshole for refusing to help this one time. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

blueboatsky wrote:

NTA. I'm more offended on your behalf that you weren't invited to join the adult day on the water. 'Couples day' is BS that allows them to exclude you and shove their kids onto you. Nope.

OP responded:

I’m willing to bet that if I had a partner then we’d still be excluded and expected to watch their kids. I get the impression that “couples day” was a convenient way to frame “day away from the kids."

helenaflowers wrote:

NTA. Being "voluntold" you're babysitting is crazy work to begin with, but ESPECIALLY for a whole day, and SUPER ESPECIALLY for a whole day on vacation. She can act however she wants, but doing this:

"Hi brother, just wanted to call you up and tell you about this super cool day that all the other adults planned. Doesn't it sound so fun?! Oh yeah, not only are you not at all invited because you're just a loser singleton, but also we've made all these plans assuming that you'll embrace your sad male spinsterhood and watch all of our kids all day."

What?! You won't do it?! That's so selfish of you! And I say that with no sense of hypocrisy or internal shame!"

and then somehow acting like YOU'RE the one in the wrong is absolutely peak entitled behavior.

Honestly, I'd really consider not going - at this point I don't put it past either of them to sneak out early in the morning and leave you with the kids. Even if they don't do that, it sure seems like this week is going to be full of the passive-aggression and is that what you really want for your vacation?

OP responded:

The “sad male spinsterhood” line is sending me. 😂

Ihaveboxerdogs wrote:

NTA, but the entire vacation sounds like it won’t be fun for a single guy.

OP responded:

Honestly, you’re right. I love my family, but if my parents won’t be there, I don’t know that I even want to go on this trip. It’ll mostly revolve around the kids, and I prefer hanging out with my siblings as just adults.

Time to plan a solo hiking trip, maybe.

GuavaCreative182 wrote:

NTA. If the two couples want a day to themselves then they should each watch each others kids for a day. That would be the only fair and reasonable option for them. Brother watches sisters kid so sister and husband can have a day and then sister watches brothers kids so brother and wife can have a day.

ElectricHurricane321 wrote:

NTA. Honestly, it's rude of them to exclude you from the day because you're single. It's also rude to just assume you'd babysit and assume that just because you're single, you haven't made other plans. I love my nieces and nephews and enjoy watching them, but my sisters never assume that it's a given I'll watch them.

They ASK first before making plans that would require me to watch their kids...and accept the answer of "no" the times I can't for whatever reason. But watching 3 young kids on a day of my own vacation doesn't sound fun at all.

Necessary-Fly-1095 wrote:

NTA. And I'm saying this as a mother of two small children. Even if you haven't made any plans, it's your vacation, and you can spend the day doing literally nothing.

I get wanting a date night (with kids those become a luxury), but you can't force or guilt people into babysitting for you. I just have one question - you're young and single, so why tf do you want to spend your vacation with them, knowing that they will try to gang up on you and make you change your mind?

OP responded:

Honestly, good question. Many of these comments are making me realize this vacation wouldn’t be much fun even if I wasn’t expected to babysit.

Madmattylock wrote:

You should skip these trips when your parents don’t come. NTA.