'AITA for refusing to babysit for my sister and leaving her with nobody to watch her kids?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to babysit for my sister and leaving her without anyone to watch her kids?"

I’m 18, female, still in highschool (pertinent to the story), paralyzed (also pertinent). My mom is 45. My sister is 28 and has three boys ages 10, 6, and 3.

Four years ago I was in a car accident and came out paralyzed from the waist down. It has been hell having to learn a new way of life but I haven’t let that stop me. I am going to be going to a college out of state next year, and graduating in the top ten percent in my school if things continue as they are.

The one major thing that is a complete bummer out of all of this (other than the obvious) is that my mom thinks that I am now a free babysitter for whenever one of my older brother or sisters needs one. She never consults me on these and expects me to drop plans at the drop of a hat.

This past Monday I told my parents about a Christmas movie extravaganza sleepover my friend has been planning. It’s gonna be three girls and we were planning on making brownies, cookies, watching really cheesy Christmas themed romantic movies. And just girl stuff. It was on Saturday (yesterday) and my parents said they had no problem with it.

Yesterday arrived and I’m just about to roll out when my mom comes and says my sister is on her way with her three boys. Apparently she asked mom if I could babysit the other day and she said yes. Didn’t even bother telling me about it.

I said hell no because I already have plans. We fought and mom ended up storming off because this one time I wasn’t backing down. I took the time and left. Turning my phone off when I got into my friends car.

Today when I got home I got called an immature asshole basically. My sister was left without anyone to watch the kids durring her husbands work Christmas party. I went back on my word (that I didn’t make). Mom told me that I should be grateful she gives me something to look forward to (babysitting) because I have no real social life being paralyzed.

I just went to my room and cried. But now I’m wondering…am I the a$$hole like they say I am because I refused to babysit and then left my sister in the lurch?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

NUT-me-SHELL said:

NTA. Your family members all suck. If your mom is that concerned about your sister having a babysitter, she can watch the kids herself.

OP responded:

She refuses to. The ten year old is a major brat. And not anywhere close to a good kind.

Fit-Distribution-252 said:

Nta. That paralyzed comment was a low blow and unacceptable. I would never babysit again. I've been paralyzed for 21 years and my social circle is small but tight. I really want to have a strong word with your mom. You didn't deserve any of that. I'd put your foot down and stop. Call cps if they leave them with you. Use their words against them.

OP responded:

I think that’s what hurt the most. This is also the woman who once told me (before they let me come home) that I could make my life what I want despite everything I’d lost.

RedoubtableSouth said:

NTA. OP, this is abuse. They aren't treating you like a person. Your sister can't even be assed to talk to you about your availability to babysit her kids, she just thinks it's cool for your mom to say yes for you.

And I can't say all the words I want to about your mother. But you do have a social life, clearly, and you have more in your life than just being a babysitter as ordered. That was a truly horrendous thing for her to say.

You keep on with your friends, and you go to college and find people who will appreciate you, and treat you with the respect and decency you deserve. Because you do deserve better.

Jovon35 said:

NTA OP and please let me say that I am so impressed and proud of you and all your accomplishments! I know I am some random internet stranger but i have three kiddos and i hope and pray when they are 18 they can say they are in the top 10 % of their class and that their idea of fun is sharing time with their friends watching cheesy movies at a slumber party.

If your parents don't tell you haw amazing you are than It is MY honor to do so. You are NTA and your family needs a serious reality check as to who you are and what your capable of. 10 years from now I see you (in my imagination of course lol) being successful at your dream job and/or having your own fabulous family...or really whatever you choose to do! Don't let up OP, go live your dreams!

And OP responded:

I wish I had an award to give you!!!! This comment just made me tear up in a good way I promise. It meant so much for me to see that. I will say school is super hard. I’m taking 4 AP classes and 2 honors. Getting mainly A’s in them too.

ScorchieSong said:

NTA. No social life huh? So what was the Christmas movie extravaganza sleepover you had planned and attended, that they knew you had plans for? Your sister needs to take responsibility for her own kids, and family are not automatically babysitters when she needs them. Even if you had volunteered your time, at least a day in advance unless it's an emergency is something that would need to be respected.

What's her plan for when you're at college? Your visits home will be monopolised by babysitting volunteered on your behalf.

And OP responded:

They don’t know where I’m gonna be going at the moment. Haven’t quite broken that news to them yet. Won’t do that until spring time.

She has since shared this update:

So I’m not going into a whole lot of detail on here right now but plans are being put into motion for me to move in with my friend and her family. I made this choice after mom came in and berated me again for standing up for myself.

She said that because I said I would originally (few years back I had no life and no confidence so I ageeed to babysitting a few times, then it was like I had no choice) that I asked for this. Then she said I’m to do what she says while living under her roof. Tomorrow she has work and hopefully by tomorrow evening I will not be living under her roof. I’m sure this won’t be the last time I hear from her though.

For those who have mentioned this and will ask if I don’t answer…yes I have the originals to my important documents, and she does not have access to my money. She has encouraged my siblings though my sister is the only one this rude. My dad well he doesn’t like rocking the boat and to be honest in a way I don’t blame him. She yells at him more than me.

Second update:

Officially out of the house. I just got done messaging to my mom and siblings that im out of the house and will no longer be available for babysitting. Thank you to everyone who commented and for the awards although I’m still not sure how the whole karma thing works nor do I really care.

Those who responded helpfully thank you for helping me mentally work through this. I appreciate it more than words can say.