'AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids after she accused me of being selfish?'
"AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids after she accused me of being selfish for not having children of my own?"
I (34F) live outside Denver with my partner 35M. Weve been together for aroundd 10 years and early on we decided not to have children. I love my nieces and nephews but I’m happy being the fun aunt and want to focus on my career amongst other passions.
Anyway my sister 37F has three kids under 10 and often leans on me for help. I dont mind watching them occasionally but lately it’s become constant. Last month she called me five times in one week to cover afterschool pickup because she and her husband had work conflicts.
When I told her I couldn't always drop everything she snapped.. she said "You don’t have kids, you don’t understand how hard this is. You’re selfish with your time." That stung. I’ve supported her for years, from buying things when money was tight to rearranging my schedule to babysit during emergencies, like I've done loads. It feels to me that she thinks because I don't have kids...my time is less valuable.
Last weekend she asked me to watch the kids overnight so she and her husband could attend a wedding. I told her no explaining that I felt taken for granted and needed boundaries.
She blew up, calling me heartless and accusing me of "punishing her for being a mom." My parents sided with her...I couldn't understand why the kids couldn't go to theirs!! They said I owe it to support hers.
Don't get me wrong I adore my sister's kids but I feel like I’m being used - as this is happening way too often. Saying no once in a while doesn’t make me cruel. Still I know parenting is tough...
She's a great mom but I'm unsure if maybe I should’ve agreed just this one time or if I did the right thing setting a boundary...So, AITA for refusing to babysit after being called selfish?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
0biterdicta said:
NTA. Kind of sounds like your sister has some regrets about her decision to have kids and is projecting on you. Helping with the kids is great, but you don't owe her your time and energy on demand.
Otherwise_Unit_2602 said:
For sure NTA, but think this is a really common perspective from people who choose to have kids. Life is a lark for you child-free folks, so be nice and help out on demand. Forgetting that they chose their path and you chose yours. I feel for you!
hubertburnette said:
You are being used, and they're telling you very clearly that they intend to keep using you. You might think about working with a therapist to brainstorm some useful ways to start setting limits. When you do start setting reasonable limits your sister and parents will all have extinction bursts, so you need to be prepared. NTA.
MakalakaPeaka said:
NTA. She's the one who birthed 3 more people to take care of, it's on her and her husband to figure it out. Don't let her put any guilt on you.
PeachBanana8 said:
NTA. Your sister is selfish and she has been taking you for granted. Your parents can watch the kids if it’s so easy and they feel your sister deserves as much free childcare as she wants.
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 said:
NTA. She already thinks you're "selfish." What do you have to lose? She's not entitled to your time. If your parents want to parent their grandkids, then they can do that. You're under no obligation to parent your nieces and nephews.