'AITA for refusing to bail my girlfriend's brother out of jail?' 'She called me in a panic.'
"AITA for refusing to bail my girlfriend's brother out of jail?"
Hi everyone, I need some perspective on a situation that happened recently. My girlfriend and I have been together for about three years, and things have generally been great. However, a few weeks ago, her brother got arrested for a DUI. This isn't his first run-in with the law, and he's been in and out of trouble for years.
My girlfriend called me in a panic, asking if I could help bail him out. The bail amount was pretty steep, and she didn't have enough money to cover it. While I do have the funds, I have serious reservations about using my savings to bail out someone who clearly hasn't learned from their past mistakes. Plus, I work hard for my money and have my own financial goals and responsibilities.
I told her that I couldn't help this time, and she was really upset. She argued that family should always come first and that I was being selfish. I tried to explain my reasoning, but she wasn't having it. She ended up borrowing money from her parents to get him out, but now things are tense between us.
I feel bad that she's upset, but I also think it's important to set boundaries, especially when it comes to financial matters. AITAH for refusing to bail out my girlfriend's brother?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Pesec1 said:
NTA. Nope, don't go down that road. Her brother will drag all of you with him. Also, ask her why is SHE borrowing money from THEIR parents, rather than parents readily posting that same money to bail their son? After all "family should always come first," right? Answer to that question, whether she gives it or not, is why you should never give your money to bail him out.
nationalgridhater said:
NTA, he’s not your bother, he’s not your child, and from the sounds of it he’s not even your friend.He has a history too, it’s not like he’s a good kid that just made the one mistake, and it seems he gets off with little consequence if his family is running to bail him out every time he’s locked up.
He needs to learn accountability, and experience some sobriety. And the family needs to stop enabling. If she was real, she’d understand you don’t wanna come off your course, your goals, just to further delay his inevitable. You deserve to spend your hard earned money how you please.
IHaveBoxerDogs said:
NTA. And the fact that your GF's parents weren't the first people that she asked says a LOT. Why did she have to borrow it from them? Why didn't they just bail their own kid out? I have some deadbeat relatives who've tried to hit me up for bail. It's always a hard pass. They get upset and I'm dead to them...until they need more money.
LavinaWhately said:
She isn't your wife and her brother is not your family. If you girlfriend is already demanding that you support her family members over your future, it is good that you know this now. NTA.
Thick-Tap2925 said:
NTA - even if we assume the best, you wouldn’t get your money back without interest until after a trial. You are not family, and you’re not a bail bondsman, so you have no way to get the money back if he runs. High risk. No reward. It’s a big favor that you have every right to refuse.
giantbrownguy said:
NTA but take a pause on this relationship. If you’re married and combining finances, you’re going to be bailing him out eventually and you won’t have as much say. You need to protect yourself before you’re trapped in this.
Frosty-Succotash-931 said:
NTA. Her argument was that family comes first so that you, a non-family member, should pay? Interesting. Anyway, it was inappropriate of her to even ask you to contribute. Getting mad at you for declining is ridiculous. She should be begging for your forgiveness.