'AITA for refusing to buy my 19-year-old daughter's boyfriend a Christmas present?' UPDATED
"AITA for not buying my daughter's bf a present?"
My daughter (19) has been dating a boy for two years. My kids also recently started using an app to list their wishlist. My wife asked if I had seen my daughter's boyfriends list as "we need to buy him something."
Maybe it's just me, but growing up, my parents didn't give two craps about who I was dating. Much less, have any intention of adding them to a present list. I asked a few friends and everyone was a resounding NO about this practice.
My wife insists this is very normal and is calling me the AH for not want to comply. In my opinion, a bf/gf relationship is typically a temporary one and as such, doesn't warrant adding the person to the gift list.
Now, if some reason they ended getting married, well that then changes the equation. But until then...I'm a nope on this tradition being imposed on me.
EDIT:
A little more detail is probably needed, considering all the questions. We live 12 hours apart, so we don't have the opportunity to "know him better." Also, this is related to Christmas gifting.
UPDATE:
WOW, okay so once again, thanks for all the feedback. It just keeps on coming. I had made a separate comment stating that I would be better about how I would deal with this scenario.
I guess it got buried with the other comments. I have accepted your judgment (good and bad) and got the bf a small gift. Thanks for sharing all your comments everyone.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ABeerAndABook said:
Opinions are probably going to vary on this, but leaning slight YTA for flawed rationale. They've been together 2 years, so this isn't some rando HS interest of the moment.
Not saying break the bank, but if gift giving is something you all do in the family a small little something would likely be appreciated as a sort of basic acknowledgment. Maybe ask daughter what they think is appropriate?
effinnxrighttt said:
Not even slight YTA, full YTA. It’s not a new boyfriend or girlfriend of 2 weeks or 2 months. They have been together for 2 years. Don’t need to break the bank and get him something like card and gift card or something small towards a hobby or interest.
Sh%t my fiancés family included me into their gifting and we had been together for 6 months when our first Christmas together rolled around. And everyone I know includes their children’s significant others in gifting as long as the relationship is fairly established(everyone has met them and they have been together for several months).
OutlandishnessNew259 said:
YTA he is dating your daughter and will likely be around when people are opening gifts. Just so you know, if you don't include her partner in your life, she will probably not include you in hers. If his family is more welcoming to her than you are to him, guess where they're going to spend all of their holidays...are you willing to die on this hill to save 25-50 bucks?
GardenSafe8519 said:
Back in the 80's when I was a teen my mom often invited my best friend to go shopping with us for Christmas and would buy my bestie something as well as take us to lunch. You're complaining about a BF? Of 2 years?? I'm not saying buy the kid a gaming system, but surely a $25-50 gift or gift card wouldn't break you would it?
I had a BF for 5 years and for 2 of those years that I went to his family's for Christmas there was always something under the tree for me. I vote YTA.
Asleep_Objective5941 said:
Softly, YTA. They have been together for awhile. Get him something inexpensive showing that you thought about him. I'd do something around $25-$50. If he is coming to a get-together where others are receiving gifts, then you should get him something; no one wants to be the only one not receiving a gift amongst others.
Brapchu said:
YTA. It doesn't have to be something from that wish list but at least some chocolates or a smallish gift. They've been together for 2 years now. That's a long ass time for a teenager.