'AITA for refusing to buy a Christmas gift for my brother and SIL, and making my husband do it?'

"AITA for refusing to buy a Christmas gift for my brother and sister-in-law, and making my husband do it instead?"

I(34F) normally do all the Christmas shopping for mine and my husband's families because my husband (36M) works longer hours than I do. We have two children, and I am currently on maternity leave with the youngest.

Because money is tighter this year due to the new baby, I asked my husband to please suggest to his brother that we want to only do gifts for the kids this year (they also have children) so please don't buy us anything, and we won't get anything for them. For other family members (eg our parents, and other siblings) who don't have children we would be doing gifts as normal.

My husband doesn't want to, because he thinks it'll come across as cheap and that it's also unfair since we're buying other siblings gifts. I think that it's perfectly fair, since they don't have to get us anything either and the kids still get gifts.

Husband is saying that it's easier if I just get the gifts...the trouble is, it always takes such a long time to find things within our budget and having two fewer presents to have to buy would also really help my stress levels and time, as well as financial concerns.

WIBTA if I refuse to buy anything for BIL and SIL and then if my husband doesn't say anything to them, he can be the one that has to buy a gift?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

EDIT: A few people have suggested secret Santa - I would LOVE to do that. I think it would be so much better to say everyone gets one person a £100 gifts rather than getting everyone a £15-20 gift. I have suggested it to my husband every year for the past few years. But he refuses to suggest it to his family.

Regarding the idea of just saying only adults - again, I would definitely be up for that but I KNOW his mum would still buy us stuff, and then we'd feel bad because we hadn't got her anything, and then there would be questions about WHY we weren't buying anything, and it would just be awkward.

EDIT: For context, we don't do big family Christmas with his family. We'd do a doorstep present exchange with BIL and SIL a few days before Christmas, possibly have the kids in for a bit to play, then the kids would all open the gifts on Christmas morning in our own houses before family is even involved. We probably wouldn't even see them Christmas day.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

skankyho1 wrote:

Why not do what my family does and do secret santa? That way we in,y buy for the underage children 2 adults. Makes it easier and cheaper. We have a limit for the budget of no more than $100 no less than $70 for everyone including the children. The only other adults we buy for are own partners. Although my husband's family doesn’t do this.

Trashduckie wrote:

You wouldn’t be TA. Asking to only exchange kids’ gifts is totally reasonable when money and time are tight, and it’s fair because it reduces the burden for both households. If your husband refuses to communicate the change but still expects the gifts, it’s fair that he take responsibility for buying them himself.

Jojocruz206 wrote:

NTA. Husband is saying it’s easier if you get that gifts - of course it is because it doesn’t involve any work on his part. It’s always easier to outsource a task. Is there a reason you can’t suggest secret Santa gifts to his family?

You’re doing all the work but have no say in the process - your husband should be stepping up to offer some suggestions on how to make this easier for you or just buying the gifts himself.

IndependentMindedGal wrote:

NTA. His family, his problem. He can at a minimum do the shopping. I don’t like the idea of cutting out one sibling and his wife just because they have kids. But families continue to grow and at some point you stop buying gifts for everyone.

Gee, Aunty Betty didn’t get me a gift last year, what’s up with her? Oh wait, I’m 34, she gave me gifts during my elementary school years but that ceased ages ago.

No_Magazine2270 wrote:

This is the main reason I don’t like Christmas, obligatory gifts aren’t fun especially if money is tight. My family and in-laws switched to doing a white elephant gift exchange for the adults. The gift is usually nicer too since you only have to budget for one.

So everyone just brings one gift for the exchange and any gifts for the children. The kids get more presents and look forward to the day they are old enough to join the gift exchange. Maybe when they are a bit older we can start a kids version too.

MehX73 wrote:

We had the same dilemma when all the siblings started having kids and the family sizes exploded. One year we bought gifts only for the kids and everyone was fine. The next year I suggested family gifts and everyone loved that idea. Board games, gift cards to the movies or bowling, etc. It was fun.

Now that everyone's older, there is a polyanna for the kids (who range in age from 15-22) so they really have fun with picking items and gag gifts. The adults do a polyanna of restaurant gift cards so they get a nice night out to dinner at a place they have never been before. It is possible to save money while not excluding people or coming across as cheap.

sendintheaardwolves wrote:

You say that you usually do all the Christmas shopping "because your husband works longer hours than you do".

No. It's because gift buying and other aspects of kin keeping are boring, time consuming and thus WOMEN'S WORK.

Your husband has offloaded the responsibility to you to find interesting, thoughtful gifts for all his family that are also within budget but don't make you "look cheap" because he doesn't want to have to bother. Hand back this responsibility. He is now in charge of gifts for his side of the family, you are in charge of gifts for your own.Do not budge on this. I'm serious.