'AITA for refusing to buy a new dress for any of my friend’s weddings?' 'It’s old and unflattering.'
"AITA for refusing to buy a new dress for any of my friend’s weddings?"
I (19f) have been attending a lot of weddings recently. (Most of my friends are my co-workers - who are much older to me). I wasn’t included in the wedding but was invited so I always had a set dress. I wore a regular length ~tight black dress. Now I should add for context I have attended 5 weddings over the last two years and none of them had a specific dress code.
One of my coworkers is getting married next June and after I received the invite she asked what I’d be wearing and I told her that I would wear my regular black dress (I don’t have a lot of others - the only ones I do are very formal). She told me after that she actually has imposed a dress code (which was not mentioned on the invite) and that everyone should be wearing red as she was going to wear black.
I agreed and said I’d get to buying a nice one. However, when I spoke to my other coworkers none of them mentioned anything about a dress code - one of them even asked her (the bride - “Maria”) and Maria said there was no dress code.
Initially I thought this was confusing, and maybe she changed her mind and forgot to tell me, so when I asked my coworker to ask her, Maria said, “I don’t like the black dress she always wears, it’s old and unflattering and I would rather my guests look presentable at my wedding.” I always felt good in the dress, it is old (I bought it for my sophomore prom) but I felt as if it still worked.
I texted Maria that I wouldn’t be able to attend her wedding. She came up to me at work and put a sweet act on about how she thought we were friends and she really wanted me there. Eventually I told her I was not planning on buying a new dress because I heard what she said about my black one. Maria said I was mistaken but I know I was not.
Even though she apologized, she texted me later that I am uninvited from her wedding as she would rather not have a broke teenager ruining all her photos. I spoke to my friend about this, and he thinks I could have just bought a cheap red dress and avoided all the drama. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
raisedbypoubelle said:
You literally are a broke teenager. That's fine. You'll age and probably obtain more money. I don't see her growing out of being an ahole, though. NTA.
Cubbance said:
NTA. She sounds like she's both shallow and tone deaf. Not everyone can afford a new outfit for every event in their life. Where I work, people are getting married left and right. There's been 6 weddings just this year. If everyone bought a new dress for every single one, they'd be broke.
And it's unfair for the bride to expect everyone to prioritize them and their wedding over your own life and circumstances. And, finally, the shallow judgement of your "old" dress is just pretty shitty behavior in general. OP, that's not your friend. Since she's a coworker, be civil, but don't mistake any future friendliness for friendship. She showed you who she really is.
TheNeuroxide said:
NTA - She should've been honest with you from the start instead of making up a fake dress code and talking behind your back. If she didn’t like your dress, she could have just said so directly, but instead, she played games.
You don’t owe anyone a new dress just because they don’t like what you already have, especially when the invite didn’t mention a dress code. And let’s be honest, these are coworkers, not close friends or family.
You’re not obligated to attend, especially after how she treated you. Her comment about not wanting a “broke teenager” at her wedding was just cruel. You’re better off not going.
puddin_cupz said:
NTA. If you’re not a bridesmaid who give a sh#$ what you’re wearing, unless you were wearing white. If you want to buy another one then cool, but you’re not required to. Maybe if it’s so important, she can buy it.
No-Accountant3744 said:
NTA as long as the dress is in good condition and appropriate for the setting it shouldn’t be an issue. Too many women feel obligated to buy a new dress for every occasion it’s ridiculous. No one thinks anything about a man wearing the same suit to all occasions.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...her parting shot shows what kind of person she is. It might be time to add another dress to your wardrobe, but that's your choice, not hers.