"AITA for refusing to carpool without compensation?"
So, I started at the same job as my brother around four years ago. When we were put onto similar shifts he came up with the idea for me to drive him to work (he does not drive) and he’d pay me half of what he’s been spending on uber with the caveat that he’d use the other half he saved to pay for his driving lessons.
Here we are, four years later. I’m on his shift at 6 am and start receiving texts about how I should give him a lift. I tried to explain I don’t want to, I don’t like that I add the extra time on, have to get up earlier and frankly he just wastes the money he saves. So I said no, it’s not worth it and frankly only for full Uber would it be worth it but I still don’t want to.
I start receiving messages about how he’s asked all his other friends and they said they’d never charge a friend for a favor, and I explained that a favor isn’t four years long and he never got his license like he said he would.
I got more texts about favors for friends and how we shouldn’t charge people but he gives me money for it so it’s ok. I said if he’s so big on favors, why when I moved two years ago did I have to pay him for that...
Eventually I just said no, book an Uber and left it. The issue in question is, am I right in denying a lift without proper compensation for it even if it’s from a family member, or am I the ahole for expecting to be compensated for this?
NOTE: to answer some common questions, picking him up adds roughly 15 mins to work, and 15 mins home onto my driving (I live very close to work). He paid 50 dollars per week (fuel is about 2 dollars a liter here give or take, and that’s about what it costs to get them and it’s either half or less than half what his uber costs would be.)
The main sticking point is, I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to get up earlier, be responsible for another person who is my OLDER brother. He also makes more per hour than I do.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
MidnightMalaga said:
This whole back and forth sounds exhausting, ESH. He set this up as a temporary arrangement, and it’s been four years. That’s an ahole thing to not acknowledge and check in on.
Having said that, if the arrangement is ongoing and he’s been holding up the end that actually affects you (paying half Uber costs) then it’s not unreasonable that he texted about tomorrow’s shift, and it sounds like you blew up and left him stranded on short notice, which is also an ahole move.
The adult way to deal with this on your side would have been to have a standalone conversation and let him know that you won’t be providing lifts anymore after x date. It’s also none of your business that he wastes his money, so your reasons should solely address the fact that you don’t want to anymore.
timehoodie6969 said:
ESH. For the squabbling. You judging how he saves or spends money, him trying to manipulate you into what he wants, your history with moving etc. None of that is relevant. You don't want to do it. You said No. "No" is a full sentence.You don't need to justify it beyond that. You are NTA for not wanting to do it, but stop haggling about it like compensation is the sticking point.
AlaskanDruid said:
NTA. Nobody is entitled to your resources.
MomoSkywalker said:
NTA. I did this for a colleague, picked her up and dropped me off but she also paid as well...so hardly needed to pay fuel much.
NewPower_Soul said:
NTA. You don't have to do anything, ever, for anybody, especially if it adds time responsibility to your day.
ConflictGullible392 said:
Your argument is a little confusing because you were being compensated, but regardless you’re not obligated to give him a ride for any reason. NTA.
Alzeegator said:
NTA Sounds like those know-it-all friends should work out a schedule and take over for you, you have done Your share. And he has had four years to get his head and ass wired together. Just a mooch