'AITA for refusing to catcall a customer’s wife even though he asked us to?'

"AITA for refusing to catcall a customer’s wife even though he asked us to?"

I (32m) work as a cook in a restaurant with an open kitchen, so guest can see us and even talk to us while we work. Two days ago while things were slow a guy walks past our station and asked us for a "favor"." He tells us his wife would be walking by in a few minutes and he wanted us to catcall her while she walked past. Stuff like whistling and telling us she looks good.

There are three of us on the stations at the time. Me I'm Black, a hispanic guy and a white guy. Before I could even process what he was asking me the white guy speaks up and says "Yeah man, we got you." After the customer left, me and the other cook approached the white cook who had agreed and told him we were not comfortable with what he had agreed to and that we were not going to do it.

He got mad and said we already agreed but we reminded him no we didn't, he agreed, before he could reply a server came and told us the guy's wife was about to walk by. I guess the server who took him to his seat told the other servers what was happening.

A few minutes later, his wife walks by and honestly she was gorgeous. She was basically walking like she was on a runway and it was pretty obvious she knew what her husband had asked us to do because she was smiling the whole way to her table. But only the white cook who had agreed was whistling and cheering. Me and the other guy just stayed quiet and kept working.

Once she sat down, the cook who did it and some of the servers who knew about the "plan" actually got on our case. They said we were spoilsports and made the whole thing awkward by not joining in.

But I just didn't feel comfortable as a Black man catcalling a white woman in a public place and felt it was totally different situation for me than my white coworker. Now the vibe in the kitchen is weird because they think we were being too serious. AITA here for just staying silent?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ok_Food4591 wrote:

WTF is this insane request? Catcalling is rude and can be interpreted as harassment. This could have been a setup, but even if not, other guests present in the restaurant might have had an issue with this behavior and complained to the manager regardless or leave a bad review.

I know I would have left a bad review if staff started commenting openly on the customer's body. Let alone whistle at them. The white guy is also insane WTF.

imjustapersontoo wrote:

NTA. Absolutely and unequivocally NTA. Anyone calling you a “spoilsport” is disgustingly ignorant of the history of racial violence in the USA. If Emmett Till hadn’t been falsely accused of catcalling a white woman in 1955, he might still be alive today. He would be 85 years old.

We are literally within living memory of children being l*nched because of white patriarchy protecting its female property. I find your coworker’s request to be a direct disrespect to Emmett Till’s name and memory, as well as to the memories of countless others who have suffered needlessly for the white man’s entertainment and ego. I’m sure he wasn’t seeing it as that deep. Because that is his privilege.

No one is making him take it serious. That’s literally one of the biggest ways that white privilege functions in America today. White people are literally living in a different world than POC. They get to be individuals. He gets to close his eyes to the reality that you live in. It’s messed up. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this at work. 2026 has seen a lot of progress since 1955 but not nearly enough.

2cents0fcks wrote:

As a woman: Ew, this is gross, especially as she knew about it and it wasn't a confidence boost. And asking someone to do it makes it disingenuous. That aside, you don't have to do something that makes you uncomfortable just because someone else agreed. It's called peer pressure and bodily autonomy. NTA.

Apprehensive_low4865 wrote:

NTA, you have no idea what the point of this stunt was for, and it's perfectly reasonable to be reticent to engage with it, especially with the current climate around race. Best case, you're unwillingly engaging in some kink without consent.

Worst case, someone's baiting you for social media engagement bait, in the hope to clip you and your other friend so they can make some "look at these people harassing this poor woman". There's...a lot of this stuff going around at the moment from grifters trying to stoke tension for views and money.

AffectionateParty754 wrote:

NTA, this is a very weird thing to ask for and to agree to do. Your job is to cook food, not cater to some weird cuckold fantasy of a rando and his narcissistic wife. I can't believe your white coworker even agreed to this and said you were making things awkward.

No good could come of it, and it could quite literally ruin your life if Mrs. Center of the Universe decides she doesn't actually like being catcalled by a Black man and the husband denies making the request. I'm an attractive woman, in my youth, I was often catcalled.

It's humiliating at best, and terrifying at worst. It makes you feel objectified, dirty, and concerned for your safety. If a husband and wife are asking people to do this, it's a fetish, it's gross, and no you should not participate.

Mommabroyles wrote:

Sounds like she was trying to set up a TikTok video or something. Nah that's not what you get paid for. It was inappropriate for him to even ask you guys to do it.

LiveKindly01 wrote:

NTA.

1 - What the actual hell was this customer trying to do? Make himself feel like a man? Make his insecure GF feel special? Gross and weird.

2 - Never agree to something that makes you uncomfortable, especially something that's not even for a friend or family member.

3 - Stand up to whoever is giving you problems. "Bro, drop it, it was a weird ask, I didn't hassle you for doing it so don't hassle me for not doing it. Why are you making such a big deal of it?"