'AITA for refusing to celebrate holidays with my mother-in-law?' 'I will stay home.'

"AITA for refusing to celebrate Christmas/Thanksgiving with my MIL?"

My husband and I have been together for 25 years, married for 23. I have never been good enough for his parents. On the day I met him, knowing that I had worked hard to be successful as a single mom and owned my own home, my FIL told me in so many words that I was "getting the better end of the deal." I was NOT, but that's irrelevant. We are now 59/60.

I LOVE making Thanksgiving dinner. I do it well and I look forward to it all year long. Going out of town for any holiday meant not spending it with my very elderly and unwell mother, my adult children and their spouses, my grandchildren and my sister whose husband left her while she battled MBC.

Even so, a few years ago I told my husband that I was willing to make the trip (8 hours in the car each way) to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws IF I could cook Thanksgiving dinner. We always stayed in a hotel, but that year I searched for an AirBNB so we could actually host them, just in their hometown. He went along with it all.

I made extensive preparations like I do when I host at home. I devised a way to brine the turkey safely while we drove down there. Purchased the nonperishable favorites from a grocery store they don't have in their area. Had tools and supplies packed and ready to go.

The day before we were set to leave, I told my husband I needed to go to the grocery store for an item that was out of stock when I went earlier in the week. When he asked why I needed it, I was puzzled and told him I needed it to make Thanksgiving dinner. He LAUGHED and said, "You know that's not going to happen, right?

To add insult to injury, MY MIL DIDN'T EVEN COOK DINNER. She ordered the whole thing heat-n-eat from the grocery store. There I sat in a room full of people who make no secret of the fact that they do not like me and do not consider me family even after 15+ years of marriage, eating a sad grocery store meal. It was awful.

I didn't fuss or argue. I simply informed my husband that I would never spend another Christmas or Thanksgiving with his family. He is free to go. I will stay home or spend time with my family elsewhere.

This is coming up now because my mother passed last year. We have not been able to make the trip to see his mom for a couple of years because my husband hasn't been working, and I can sense the big ask coming. So, AITA for refusing to spend important holidays with people who don't like me?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Alarmed-Speaker-8330 said:

Don’t go. You have a serious husband issue.

MistressJacklynHyde said:

Did you talk to the in-laws to let them know you wanted to make the dinner? Or did you have your husband relay the message? Because it sounds like your husband didn't do what you asked him. Maybe they had no idea you wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner.

shammy_dammy said:

NTA. He can go alone.

Bearliz said:

NTA. Stay home and enjoy your holiday with people who love you.

suzanious said:

NTA. After all these years of being treated poorly, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do! Your husband doesn't respect you, nor does he listen to you. You did your time with his family, it's your turn to stay home and enjoy the holidays as you see fit. Never go back to their place again. If he wants to go, let him!

456name789 said:

NTA. Frankly, I’m confused by you wanting to cook for these people. I know you would have had a better meal, but they certainly don’t deserve your cooking. If he wants to go, safe travels! You’re a firm, “No.” Enjoy the quiet time and either bake your Christmas cookies in peace, or make yourself that thing you love, but never make because he doesn’t like it.