'AITA for refusing to chip in for a coworker’s birthday gift when I barely know them?'
"AITA for refusing to chip in for a coworker’s birthday gift when I barely know them?"
I'm 30M and i work in a mid-sized office, about 30-ish people total. Last week an Susan 48F went around the office saying we were all chipping in for a birthday gift for a coworker( Jenna 38F or 37F not sure). Anyways, she works in a different department than me, and while I recognize her face we’ve maybe exchanged a few hellos in the hallway. We don’t work together and have never talked outside of that.
Susan (the organizer) suggested everyone pitch in $20 for a gift card and a cake.. I didn’t respond at first. Later that day, the Susan stopped by my desk and asked if I was in. I said I was going to pass, since I don’t really know Jenna and don’t usually participate in office gift collections unless it’s someone I work closely with.
She looked surprised and said, “It’s just $20 ” I told her I get that.. but it feels weird to me to pay for gifts for people I don’t have a relationship with. She kind of brushed it off and said okay, but after that things felt awkward.
Since then, a couple coworkers have been noticeably colder toward me, one even joked that I’m “that guy” (meaning who doesn’t put $20 in), anyways I’m starting to wonder if I broke some unspoken office rule and came off as cheap or antisocial.
I don’t mind celebrating people I actually work with, but I also don’t think gift giving should be mandatory, especially for someone I barely know. AITA for saying no?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Nester1953 wrote:
30ish x $20 would be $600. That would be quite the gift card and cake. Susan must be quite the party planner and quite the office gossip. Feel free to be that guy -- the one who can do simple math and doesn't contribute toward office celebrations for people in other departments whom he doesn't actually know.
The one who isn't intimidated by Susan, who never ever should have told anyone else whether or not you contributed. (But don't eat any of that gold-plated cake.) NTA.
OP responded:
Yep. I actually wanted to bring that point because $600 seemed insane for me but Susan plays this along the lines of a "cake" for the office (to be fair she buys two cakes), either way most of the money goes to stupid expensive gifts she picks. My fear though is that when its gonna be my birthday she will not do it, and that would be a big D move since i already put money for other co-workers birthdays.
Zero_Patience1771 wrote:
NTA I hate those. It is not fair and nor is it reasonable. 30 people and $20 is a lot of money not to mention that makes for 2-3 birthdays a month which is ridiculous are you supposed to pitch in for each one and what happens if someone is missed? I worked in an office that provided monthly lunches and cupcakes for the birthdays that month, no cost to employees just a quick monthly celebration.
OP responded:
Totally agree, this started two months ago and it started at 10$ , we did it for 6 people and it was simple nice break and imo a well off gift for around 200$ (cakes were 100$). This time Susan increased it to 20$ and I was just done, but if I'm being honest its not just about the money , i just dont know Jenna and this felt off.
Master_Farm_445 wrote:
Yuck. NTA. I have never worked anywhere where we were expected to chip in for gifts. The company should take care of that, if at all. One company I worked at had a cake at the end of the monthly company meeting and sang happy birthday to everyone with a birthday that month. Voila.
They also had “baby showers” for expecting parents (cake, onesie with company logo, gift card for Target or something—paid for by the company of course). It’s a much smaller cost for the company to do it and it avoids awkward situations like the one you’re in.
1962Michael wrote:
NTA. This is such a waste of everyone's time. If everyone puts in $20 for everyone's birthday, then everyone would pay $600 and get a $500 gift card and a $100 cake to share on their birthday. But you've worked there 9 months, so it doesn't seem like everyone is getting this treatment. Why does Susan get to decide who gets $500 or $600 dollars on their birthday?
FlyingFlipPhone wrote:
If everyone kicks in $600 per year for gifts, then everyone should also receive a gift card for $600 every year. Of course, this process is annoying and wasteful. Everyone should just keep their money and the office (petty cash) can purchase one cake per month for everyone's birthday (during that month). If the office doesn't want to buy 12 cakes, then just send an email birthday card.
julesk wrote:
I’d mention to you coworkers that 600 for cake and gifts seems like a lot for a coworkers birthday and if that’s the case for all of you then you’d be paying $600 personally a year. So you’d rather just do a card and chip in for a lunch out.
hallerz87 wrote:
NTA. $20 is nuts. That's $600 with 30 people, WTF are they planning on buying? My office would just pass around an envelope with a card in it. We'd sign it, drop a couple of quid in it, and it would would buy some flowers and a box of chocolates.