'AITA for refusing to chip in to my brother's wedding?' 'It's costing him $80,000.'
"AITA for refusing to chip in to my brother's wedding?"
My (26M) brother (28m) is getting married this fall. He has always been my parents favorite without a doubt while I got the short end of the stick. (Not pouting but just stating the obvious). My parents are using the last of their retirement savings to pay for this wedding before they sell the house and downsize to a much smaller place.
My brother wants a lot for his wedding roughly estimated it's costing him about $80,000. My brother is a lawyer practicing as a public defender making about $75K a year. And has about $7000 total saved up (not a typo seven thousand of eighty thousand).
I know how to save money and have close to $150K saved up. My family is all chipping in as much as they can and it's all adding up to about $24,000. The brides side of the family said they're chipping in half the total cost for the wedding so $40,000. They have $64,000 combined and are trying to find $16,000 when they turned to me.
I told them straight up I'm not giving them money but I can loan it to them. No interest just pay me back $16,000 at the end of 3 years. I tried to give them multiple opportunities to take it and let them know I would not just give them money. My brother is considering uninviting me from the wedding and my parents have been blowing up my phone with messages and calls.
After a few weeks of stewing in it and realizing he wasn't going to be able to find the money elsewhere and with his credit history a personal loan without a 10-12% interest rate is impossible he came back to me and asked for the loan.
We hugged it out and talked about it and about 3 hours later I printed up a little contract that says I would either be paid back in full at the end of 3 years from this date or that I could take monthly or yearly installments however he wants it to be paid.
When I busted out the contract he got upset saying I don't have faith in him. I don't. He's defaulted on 2 car loans and his credit score is around the 470's last time he checked.
He has $300K worth of student loan debt from undergrad and law school and I know he's not smart with his money so I wanted it in writing. That apparently was the final straw. I am officially uninvited and have been asked not to contact him or my parents ever again.
The truth is I'll say I'm sorry and admit when I'm wrong, but am I wrong asking for a contract for $16,000. That's a lot of money. Im not saying I'm going to sue him the day after the loan window expires for the amount but I want some sort of receipt saying that he owes me back for this. So am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
kmflushing said:
I don't understand this siblings being expected to pay for weddings. When did this happen? Also, don't give or loan him any money, even with a contract. You'd just have to sue him eventually to get it back, and it will just cause even more drama and strife when the time comes. Save yourselves the headaches and just say no now.
superflex said:
He's a lawyer. He knows exactly what legal accountability a written loan agreement entails. His reaction tells you everything you need to know about his intentions to repay you. NTA.
DJsspinontheworld said:
NTA - People who can't afford a fancy wedding shouldn't have a fancy wedding! I will never understand why people want to spend so much money on ONE DAY when they could use that money to buy a house. Some of the best weddings I've been to are the simple, heartfelt weddings!
You don't owe your brother that money! I guess you could give some of the money to them as a gift and the rest as a loan, but it sounds like you are smart to draw up a contract for it. Otherwise, you will never see the money again!
Fun-Yellow-6576 said:
NTA. Don’t loan him the $, he won’t pay it back. Be glad you’ll be disinvited.
Clean_Factor9673 said:
NTA. Don't threaten me with a good time! The only people tasked with paying for the wedding are the two getting married. I'm curious about the fiancee; hasn't she figured out he's bad with money, based on what you've stayed above?
Bulky_Specialist9645 said:
Fun fact: couples who spend $20k + on their wedding are 3.5 times more likely to divorce than those that spend $10k or less.