'AITA for refusing to take classes to help me take care of my autistic stepbrother?'

"AITA for refusing to take classes to help me take care of my autistic stepbrother?"

My mom's husband has two kids. My stepbrother Jake is 9 and my stepsister Ella is 7. My mom and her husband have been together for five years and married for 2. 3 years ago my mom joined her husband and Ella in classes to learn how to care for people on the spectrum. It's supposed to cover a bunch of stuff and educate on having family members on the spectrum so it wasn't just about caregiving.

I (17m) was (literally) dragged along but didn't take them seriously and never "passed" the classes. For one I didn't want to be set up as a babysitter for Jake and Ella. The other thing was I resented all the changes we had to make for my mom's husband and kids to move in that accommodated Jake.

My mom's husband said they wouldn't move in together if I didn't take the classes which was also what I was hoping for. Clearly that didn't work. And now they lost their regular babysitter who could take care of Jake so the pressure is on me to take the classes and pass this time. I'm refusing and I offered to live with a family member if they weren't okay with my decision.

Mom said no and she's not pushing me away. I told her she needed to let this go then. Her husband said I'm being an ass to Jake and he deserves better. I told him I already accommodated a lot for Jake and it should be my choice whether I step up to be a fit babysitter or not.

My mom begged me to reconsider and she told me the babysitting will be off the table. But to pass them to show I want to learn how to interact with Jake better.

AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Embarrassed-Row-2025 said:

Babysitting is a compensated profession... Talk to your dad about moving. Do you think they'll ever let the free emergency spare babysitter get free? NTA

Proof_Bad8128 said:

NTA. Not your kids not your problem.

sunny394 said:

NTA. The real issue here is that even if these classes provide valuable life skills, once you take the class and pass, mom and step dad will want you to babysit regardless of your mom saying it’s off the table.

Ok_Childhood_9774 said:

NTA. Mom chose her new family. You didn't. If you don't have or want a relationship with Jake, you're not obligated to. Your offer to live elsewhere was more than fair, and if your stepfather is upset, oh well.

HUNGWHITEBOI25 said:

Wow…your stepdad is an @$$HOLE… “Hey i won’t move in with you unless your son promises to take care of my child for free” NTA bud, good luck.

KallamaHarris said:

You don't have to help them, but they do not have to let you keep living at home. Some give and take goes pretty far. You do not have to be kind to a child, but it is considered a dick move in bird culture.

OP responded:

I offered to leave but my mom said she doesn't want me to go.

Hungry-Delay9893 said:

After reading everything you’ve had to give up, I feel terrible for you. Your wants and needs are always secondary to what Jake needs. You’re still a kid (not meant condescendingly) and you should be a kid! I would seriously consider living with the family that offered.

You only get one childhood, you should be allowed to play video games and what teenager wants to be in bed every night by 10? Thats beyond ridiculous. NTA.

OP responded:

That's how it has to be according to them. They say Jake deserves to be considered. But it means I'm on his schedule all the time which sucks. My room doesn't even feel like a safe haven anymore. It's so boring to be home. I prefer being anywhere else where I can listen to music or play video games.

Dry-Huckleberry-5379 said:

It's unfair of them to expect you to just be the babysitter. But you're also the AH for being a dick to your mum and stepdad and actively trying to sabotage their relationship (refusing to pass the class so they wouldn't move in) Unless there's backstory here like your mum was cheating with this guy before your parents split this is just super petty.

And OP responded:

It's because of all the changes and accommodations that had to be made. I had to get rid of a bunch of video games, stop playing my console in the morning or at night, even on weekends. Couldn't even keep them in my room and wear headphones to stop the noise. It just wasn't allowed.

I can't leave my room before 8am or leave my room after 10pm because Jake's so noise sensitive but with nothing to do it's frustrating and so boring. I have to keep my phone on a really dark setting all the time or I get into trouble and it has to be on vibrate or silent so it doesn't upset Jake. Can't turn lights on either because he's sensitive to it. Can't have friends over.

Can't listen to music with headphones either. There's also foods and snacks we can't have in the house because he's sensitive to the smell of them. Some are my faves and even if I can't even keep them in my room. That's why I never wanted this. And I wish I could've sabotaged the relationship. I'd be way happier without all this.

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!