'AITA for refusing to come in, making it so my coworker had to work a double?'
"AITA for refusing to come in, making it so my coworker had to work a double?"
For a little context, I work at a small gas station, where we only have 7 employees counting myself (8 with my boss). Here's the situation:
One of my (22f) coworkers ("F" 20s f) has a little girl who just got super sick.
I covered for her to take her daughter to the doctor, her grandma who works with us ("J" 50s-60s? f) was there, told me what was going on, they were so thankful & F felt bad for asking me & she wouldn't know what to do without me. I really didn't want to be there but I love F's little girl.
This was two days ago. Today is a day off for me. J texted me & said F had caught her daughter's strep throat, running 100 degree fever, couldn't come in, so J said "so I'm staying until 10 tonight." (She works mornings. would've been there since 8am today.)
I'm tired of covering for them, so I told her that really sucks and I'm sorry (very politely). She kept going, saying the graveyard guy wouldn't come in early for her, & her other granddaughter who works with us ("L", 20s f) either won't reply to her or will say no.
Family beef. I offered if she gave me L's number, I'd talk to her about it (was planning on offering to switch shifts if she went in) but J told me that she won't bother, it's no use, and she'll just stay there. So I told her, "yeah, I understand, I'm really sorry." Then she replied "notice how I'm not asking you."
It's possible her tone didn't translate over text, but that felt so rude to me, I was really taken aback. I've done so much for this woman & her two granddaughters, I'm basically an honorary member of their family.
I didn't even reply because I both didn't know what to say, and knew anything I would say would likely be insanely rude. She texted me again about twenty minutes later saying she did text L & she wouldn't come in, because L has a morning shift tomorrow (completely fair, in my eyes) but added "it's not like I'm asking her to stay until midnight." I just sent her "I'm really sorry.
I can't tonight." Because at that point, I just wanted her to leave me alone. She replied: "I wouldn't let you, I would tell you to go back home." Which was just...plain baffling? I don't know.
I just feel really weird about the whole thing. I feel like I'm being selfish and overreacting, but I am really tired of constantly being used as a get out of jail free card, because I know if I was the one that needed it, I'd be told to kick rocks. But I would like more opinions on the situation, thanks to everyone in advance.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mission_Selection703 wrote:
NTA, be kind to yourself. You have to take care of yourself.
Try to remember you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
OP responded:
Learning to prioritize myself and my health/well-being over making other people happy has been difficult, but I feel like I'm much better about it than I used to be. Thank you!
Popular_Phase9269 wrote:
Honestly, unless she's generally super passive-aggressive, this sounds like a "didn't translate over text well". It sounds like she was saying that she wouldn't dream of asking you (because of everything you've done) and even if you would have volunteered to help, she would have sent you right back home (because of everything you've done). I'm voting NAH.
OP responded:
She has been nice to me, and I did my best to be considerate of the fact I very well could have been misreading her tone/intention (because as we all know, tone is very hard to get across over text lol) and not be rude about it.
But she's said some unkind things to me about L that make me believe she is entirely capable of acting this passive-aggressively. So really, it could be either way and I couldn't say for sure. I'll probably find out when I'm going in on Tuesday as she's leaving lol.
Gatodeluna wrote:
I think you’re misunderstanding her..maybe. On the one hand, what she seems to be saying is that she’s not going to ask you because she’s well aware you’ve done more than your share of stepping up. OTOH, why does she keep calling you back if she doesn’t hope you’ll ‘volunteer’, boosted by multiple attempts to guilt-trip you. I can read it either way. Just hold your ground. We all need boundaries.
OP responded:
Yeah, I can absolutely see both sides of it. That was why when replying to her I didn't want to say anything rude because, if she wasn't trying to be, then I'M the one escalating it for no reason, you know? Misunderstandings happen all the time, and I don't think it's beneficial to anyone involved to blow up until you know for sure you're understanding it correctly.
No-Cat-7224 wrote:
NTA. Stop being a doormat. It's not your job to cover everyone every time there is an issue. That's the job of the owner/supervisor/manager. Never let anyone make you feel guilty about needing a day off, regardless of the reason they are looking for help. Dangerous slippery slope.
OP responded:
Oh yeah, I know. I had coworkers at my old job who got me to cover for them constantly. I couldn't get myself to say no. But I finally did, and I'm constantly working on prioritizing myself and setting boundaries. It's tough when you've never done it before but I know I'll be happier in the long run.
Freebornforevee wrote:
Maybe, she was just venting to you. That is possible.
OP responded:
It is! She seems to feel comfortable talking casually outside of work hours to me, which is fine, that's not ever really a problem for me even if I don't really feel the same. It's nice to chat sometimes. So I think it is possible she was just venting and I was misunderstanding her. It happens! That's why I wanted to post here so I could get other perspectives.