'AITA for refusing to cook for my wife's pregnant sister and telling her she has a husband who could do it?'
"AITA for refusing to cook for my wife's pregnant sister and telling her she has a husband who could do it?"
I've (31m) been married to my wife Sage (30f) for 6 years and we have two kids together. I'm a chef and I love to cook but generally we take turns cooking so neither gets burned out or feels like it's a chore (this is especially helpful when we host others because allergies are big in both our families).
When she was pregnant, though, I cooked for her all the time because pregnancy was not easy for Sage and I wanted her to be able to relax and enjoy food instead of being too tired and sick to eat, which is how she was in the very early stages of her first pregnancy. Everyone knew about it but Sage's sister Gwen (34f) brought it up an excessive amount and said she couldn't believe Sage was getting waited on during her pregnancy and that "a dude would do that for his wife". It was a touch annoying how much she brought it up.
Now Gwen is pregnant with her first child and she called up out of the blue after her pregnancy announcement to say I should cook and send meals over for her like I did for Sage. At first I thought she was trying, and failing, to be funny, but nope, she was as serious as a heart attack.
I told her I wasn't cooking for her and brought up how random and inappropriate it was to ask like that. She told me we're family and she's pregnant and I should want her to rest as much as I had wanted Sage resting during both of her pregnancies. I told her Sage is my wife, so it's different and I told her she has a husband to cook for her if that's what she wants.
She told me her husband would never and I should try being a good BIL. I told her BIL doesn't equal spouse. Gwen tried to talk Sage into convincing me but the two of them were never close so Sage just rolled her eyes and told her where to go. Even she couldn't believe Gwen is for real.
Gwen's reaction to being told no by both of us was to run to her parents and tell them I refused to help her out and she told them she was struggling and had just wanted help. They asked why I couldn't do it occasionally since Gwen's husband is too much of an a$s to do it. I told them it was a lot to ask and we weren't that close to Gwen.
When Gwen realized her parents hadn't convinced me or convinced Sage to convince me, she called back up and said I was an a$s for not helping my family and for rubbing her husband's lack of consideration for her in her face. I'm starting to feel like this will become such a huge deal and now I'm doubting myself. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ShallWeStartThen said:
NTA- wtf???? When I saw the header, I though maybe your SIL was visiting and you'd refused to cook for her for some random reason. But no. She's just mad. She put you down for cooking for your pregnant wife and now she's trying to emotionally blackmail you into doing it for her??? Hahahahahaha. If I were you I would send her a recipe book. Or would cook an elaborate meal and send her pictures.
cassowary32 said:
NTA. Why would she procreate with her do nothing husband? You don't just get to tag in a brother in law because a husband is useless. What else would you be expected to do double duty for? Will you be responsible for diaper changes and child care too when the baby comes? Or child support, like that crazy lady with triplets?
Comprehensive-Bad219 said:
NTA but she's a major ah and is acting extremely entitled. It would be one thing if she asked nicely for you to make her a meal every once in a while or to eat over by you occasionally, but demanding you make her meals on the regular is ridiculous.
If she can't understand why you would treat your wife who was carrying your child different than her, you can point out that your wife was never so rude and demanding. But in all honesty I would just ignore it from now on and let your wife handle her sister - if she even cares enough to. You're already have no relationship, you don't need to engage in her drama.
Larkus_Says said:
NTA, the tone you’re conveying says a lot here. If she had asked, nicely, for you to cook a few meals for her and maybe offered you something nice in return, then yeah, sure, maybe something you’d be nice to consider. But telling you you should be doing it like it’s something owed to her? And then dragging the rest of the family into it when you said no? You had every right to say no.
Hoplite68 said:
NTA. Gwen is upset that she married someone she knows is not a good partner. Rather than own up to that mistake she'd rather brow beat you so she can get waited on. Be blunt at this point, tell her it's not on you to do what a spouse should, it's not on you to make up for issues in her marriage.
Bo_O58 said:
NTA. Repeat after me: it's not your responsibility to compensate for her husband's lack of consideration. If he is such an ass, there is a very easy solution for that. It's really unfair to expect you to pick up his slack.