'AITA for refusing to cover my coworker's 'mental health breaks' even though she’s struggling?'
"AITA for refusing to cover my coworker's 'mental health breaks' even though she’s struggling?"
I (25F) work as a case coordinator at a community clinic. It’s a demanding job, and our small team is constantly stretched thin. One of my coworkers, Lena (29F), has been going through a rough time. She lost a parent earlier this year, and her workload has understandably been harder for her to manage.
At first, I volunteered to pick up some of her cases whenever she needed a breather. It wasn’t officially assigned to me I just didn’t want her to drown. But over the past few months, those breaks have changed from occasional moments to daily disappearances.
Some days she’ll step outside for a reset, and I won’t see her again for an hour. Other times she’ll ask me to update her case files because she can’t focus today, I get it. I really do. But I’ve become the default person picking up the pieces, and my own workload has gotten out of control.
Last week, I had three emergency cases come in back-to-back. At the same time, Lena messaged me asking if I could just handle two of her follow-ups because she needed a walk. I told her gently that I couldn’t I was already drowning. She responded with, Okay, but I thought you understood what I’m going through. I felt awful, but I didn’t take on her cases.
Later that day, my supervisor called me into her office. She’d gotten feedback that I was less supportive lately and asked if everything was alright between me and Lena. I told her I cared about Lena and wanted her to get whatever help she needed, but I couldn’t keep taking her work on top of mine.
My supervisor gave me a look that basically meant We all need to be team players. I didn’t argue, but I went home feeling like I’d betrayed someone who trusted me. Yesterday Lena barely spoke to me. I tried to check in, but she brushed me off. One of our other coworkers quietly told me Lena had said I didn’t care about her mental health.
That honestly broke me a little. I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive without losing myself in the process, but now I feel like the villain in the story. I’m torn between wanting to be kind and realizing I’m being taken advantage of even if not deliberately. I don’t want to resent her, and I don’t want her to sink, but I’m close to burning out myself.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Trick_Delivery4609 wrote:
NTA. You need to go back to that manager and explain how many hours of work you did for Lena as a team player. That you helped her where you could, but you can't anymore. And at no time did you say rude things to her. Lena needs to apologize, make it right, and thank you for helping her.
You need to write a follow-up email to HR too. They are taking advantage of you.
I'd even make it straight with the coworkers: "Hello, it has come to my attention that someone thinks I am not being a team player or not caring about mental health. That is blatantly a lie. I have taken on extra work during the last X months."
"However, I no longer have the time with an influx of emergency cases. If you would like to sign up to help her, please let -manager- know." But it sounds like you may need to find someplace else. This place is not great with supporting you.
OP responded:
Thank you ,this really made me feel better, I will compose the email to the HR and see what he has to say.
Particular-Owl2446 wrote:
NTA. Make a list of ALL the things you've done for Lena. Make it clear you've done your part. At this point Lena should be doesn't MORE of her work, not less. Its been long enough for that, or for her to be told to take time off and replaced with someone who can do their work.
Talk to your boss again, and possibly HR if the boss doesn't care still. This is not okay. You already have you own heavy workload, you do not need hers. And you really dont need her making it a hostile work environment by complaining to coworkers or the boss about is constantly.
OP responded:
Thank you I will submit the writing just like you said.
Innocentsalad wrote:
NTA. Time for you to start telling people that doing the work of 2 people has been terrible for your mental health and you can’t believe someone would be so insensitive as to keep giving you more of their work to do.
OP responded:
Exactly what I did.
Decent_Bed_ wrote:
Does she take some of your workload when you’re struggling? No? Then it’s not a very good team is it. If this lady can’t get through her day without your long mental health walks and can’t do her own work, she needs to go off sick.
You’re not the problem here and you shouldn’t let your boss imply that you are.
OP responded:
No she doesn't, I work even when I am not mentally okay.
Lulu_Brooksie wrote:
NTA. Do you know what exactly she's been telling your supervisor? Because it sounds skewed. Consider going back to your supervisor and asking for support:
"I have been helping Lena for x months knowing she's going through a rough time. At first, it was manageable and I wanted to be there for support. But over the past 3 months Lena's needs have increased and I have taken on x cases from her and covered her tasks when she's taken breaks ranging from 30 to 60 minutes."
"I am feeling overwhelmed with this additional workload. It isn't sustainable and I worry about my own stress and potential burnout. I am worried about not meeting my own clients' needs."
Adapt as needed and give your supervisor concrete numbers. Have the conversation in person and regardless of how it goes, do a summary email reiterating your concerns. Escalate it above your boss if she doesn't listen to you. You have been setting yourself on fire for someone and you need to stop.
OP responded:
I really don't know what she told the supervisor but I will go back to the supervisor and ask for support like you said, thank you.