'AITA for not covering my coworker's shifts after finding out what he was really doing?'
"AITA for not covering my coworker's shifts after finding out what he was really doing?"
I (27M) work at a small auto parts warehouse. The pay is decent and the schedule is pretty flexible. I’ve been there about three years. One of my coworkers, Jake (34M), has been there longer than me and we’ve always gotten along fine. We’re not close friends, but we joke around at work and sometimes grab food from the taco truck outside during lunch.
About six months ago Jake started asking if I could cover parts of his shifts because of family emergencies. The first time, he said his kid was sick and his wife had to work, so he needed to leave early. I said sure.
After that, it started happening more often. Maybe once every couple of weeks he would text saying something came up with his kid, his wife needed the car, or he had to help his mom with something.
I’m single and don’t have kids, and most of the time I didn’t have plans anyway, so I usually said yes and stayed later. Over time it started getting annoying, especially when he asked last minute and I would end up staying two or three extra hours.
Last week something strange happened. Jake texted asking if I could cover the last half of his shift because his son supposedly had a fever and his wife was panicking. I agreed.
About an hour later I was scrolling Instagram and saw a story from another coworker, and Jake was right there in the background at a bar downtown watching a basketball game.
The story had been posted about twenty minutes earlier, so it clearly wasn’t an old video. The next day at work he thanked me again for covering and repeated the story about his kid being sick. I didn’t confront him, but it bothered me.
Yesterday he texted again asking if I could swap shifts this weekend because of another family issue. I told him I couldn’t keep doing that and that if he needed time off he should talk to our manager instead of asking me.
He got defensive and said I was being a jerk because he has helped me before, which he really hasn’t. He also said I don’t understand what it’s like having a family and sometimes you just need a break.
Now things are awkward at work because he told a couple coworkers that I refused to help him when he needed it. Part of me feels bad because people do need breaks sometimes, but it also feels like I was being lied to so he could go out.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. It sounds like you were being pretty generous with your time and helping him out a lot, especially since you were staying extra hours and covering shifts on short notice.
At some point that stops being a favor and starts feeling like someone is taking advantage of you. The fact that he kept asking and then got mad when you finally said no kind of proves that he expected you to keep doing it.
AmberLoomVale OP:
That’s kind of how it started to feel after a while. At first I didn’t mind because things happen with family, but it just kept happening more and more.
Why didn't you tell him you saw the Instagram post? He is using you. Stand your ground and don't cover for him anymore.
NTA. You are very kind to help him, but he abused your kindness, and so he’s lost the privilege. He has only himself to blame.
AmberLoomVale OP:
Honestly, it sucks that it came to this, but I can’t keep letting him take advantage of me.
Send him a copy of the photo, and say I'm no longer swapping due to this lie..... Who lies constantly about sick family members...
He should NOT have been allowed to ask you for any of this and should NOT be allowed to harassing you now. Staffing levels and schedules are the responsibility of management and HR. NTA.
Hopefully soon you (+us) have new excellent secure career doing interesting important work with excellent colleagues and excellent management, freedom, prosperity, health, friendships, happiness.
NTA. But start defending yourself, if I were you I would call him out in front of the other coworkers about how he lied to you and abused your kindness and if he stills stirs up problems, then go ahead and talk to your boss.
You’re NTA but you need to make him aware that you know his “emergencies” aren’t genuine, like saying “Was the basketball game any good? You looked like you were enjoying yourselves”. If he pushes back tell your manager that you’re no longer available to cover for Jake and leave it like that.
It’s not your responsibility to give him breaks from his family. None of this is your responsibility. Tell coworkers including Jake that managing their life choices has nothing to do with you. Was everyone at the bar with Jake when he had a family emergency and you stayed late to cover his shift?
He CHOSE to have a wife and children. They are his responsibility, not yours. If your coworkers have issues with it, they can cover his shifts then.
I would tell boss and hr if your company has an hr. This guy lied to you and then tries to poison others against you?!?!?! The nerve. I'd be looking for a wait to get him fired easily -- of wait all the stuff you just mentioned should be grounds for firing!!!!
Definitely NTA You should tabulate just how much extra work you've been doing for Jake. Then tell your boss what Jake has been doing and now, because you refuse to be taken advantage of further, Jake is spreading rumors that you're unhelpful and probably NOT a "team-player!"
NTA. If you want to be polite, tell him something like, "I've covered for your shifts a lot. You have not covered for any of mine. Me covering you is interrupting my own plans, so I can't cover for you anymore. If you have this many family emergencies, maybe you need to hire a babysitter?"
If you want to be direct, tell him something like, "Hey, man. I found out your emergencies are you out having fun. I've been rearranging my schedule because I thought your family needed help. This has been a huge ask from you, but I thought it was important.
It's not important, so I'm not doing it anymore. Nothing against you, I just don't see the point in me covering your shift so you can go relax. If you need more time off, you need to talk to the manager about adjusting your schedule."