'AITA for refusing to cut my cousin's hair after she unintentionally outed my BF?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to cut my cousins hair after she (unintentionally) outed my boyfriend to his family?"

Hey y'all! So I'm just gonna get right into this before I start to ramble. My bf (I'll just call him Andy for this post) and I have been for three years now (I'm 22 and he's 24). We've both been living at my parents house for a year now and are hoping to get our own place in the next few months.

My parents were the only ones who knew about us and they (despite being very supportive) promised to keep our relationship a secret as Andy's family aren't the most accepting of people and he knew it would take them a bit of time to come around to the idea of him being gay.

Anyways, I am training to be a hairdresser and a few family members will ask me to do their hair. I'm no Brad Mondo but I don't charge them for the haircuts as it gives me practice and my elderly family members feel more comfortable with someone they know cutting their hair.

So my aunt, uncle and cousin (19F "Lucy") had moved in with us a couple months before the lock down. Everything was going pretty well for a few months and at some point I ended up cutting Lucy's hair for her. She didn't have the money to get her hair styled as much as she wanted and I was grateful for the practice.

About three weeks ago, at about 1 in the morning, Lucy decided she was going to come up into my room to "borrow a laptop charger" (she has her own charger so I think that excuse was BS) and walked in on Andy and I ... let's just say being intimate. Now normally if that happens you'd leave and keep it to yourself.

Lucy didn't. She felt it was her job to tell her parents who then gossiped to their friends and it got spread around, eventually reaching Andy's family. They were not happy to say the least and actually threatened to cut off contact with him (they're thankfully slowly starting to communicate again though so that's good).

When I confronted her about it , she didn't apologies and just said something along the lines of "its not my fault he's not man enough to tell them first" which really pissed me off. Andy hasn't spoken with her since. This situation has taken its toll on his mental health.

Where I might be TA.

Lucy has recently gotten a job interview and wants to make the best first impression possible. She came to me yesterday and asked if I could cut and style her hair. I said no.

She asked why and I told her that I'm still pissed off with her for what she did. She says that I'm being petty and that I'm deliberately trying to sabotage her chances of getting this job. I've been getting called an AH from various family members that think I need to grow up but my parents and Andy are on my side.

Her hair doesn't look bad and I think the employers will be more concerned with how well she performs i the interview rather than how her hair looks. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

KneonManiac said:

NTA, your cousin is though. WOW! She had no right telling anyone. It was up to him to tell who he wanted when he wanted.

OP responded:

I felt absolutely awful for him. Andy had been trying to plan ways that he could tell his parents and was feeling a little more confident about the idea of coming out to them and she absolutely ruined it. Thank you

suncameup said:

NTA. Not even a little bit. You’re giving her to much credit by saying it was unintentional - honestly, it sounds pretty intentional to me, or at least that she didn’t care whether or not his family found out. You would be TA if you did help her out.

Revwog1974 said:

Not cutting her hair is the least of what she deserves. I am so sorry. What she did is really crappy. You don't owe her your forgiveness ever. NTA

OP responded:

Thank you. Andy and I were really hoping she'd apologise, if she did that and explained it was an accident then we could hopefully start to move on from this but she is too stubborn to apologise.

[deleted] said:

NTA. She blabbed and is not only being unapologetic but nasty as well. She doesn’t deserve any favors, nor is she entitled.

CitraTerranova said:

Oh my god Nta at all. I would never speak to her again she is a horrible person. And she did intentionally put your boyfriend, she CHOSE to tell people. I’m so sorry for you and your boyfriend, I would be so upset if someone told everyone I was a lesbian and they aren’t even homophobic. And she didn’t even apologize, what a terrible person.

Lumarioigi said:

I'm trying very hard to be impartial because of the girl's attitude but seriously NTA. Though it's not entirely her fault, her parents should've kept their mouths shut too. This wasn't their secret to give and it wasn't "Lucy's" either.

You have every right to be mad but this isn't really the bridge to die on. People make mistakes and sometimes have a hard time apologising but if she continues this type of behaviour then no free haircuts is the least of her worries.

Quick little update/edit:

So I just wanted to say thanks for all the kind and supportive comments and awards. Andy was having a bad day yesterday so we decided to curl up on the sofa together and read through the comments and it really made him feel a lot better, I cannot thank you guys enough for that.

Andy's been so incredible through all of this despite how horrible of a situation this has been. His parents are slowly but surely coming round to the idea of him being gay (his brother even got him a little rainbow pin to show that he supports him which I think is absolutely adorable).

My parents had given my aunt and uncle a month to find a new place to stay so that they can leave the house and take Lucy with them (they're leaving next week!). So Andy won't have to deal with her for much longer. Just thought I'd update you folks with this little bit of good news. Thanks for the support guys :)