'AITA for refusing to do a DNA test to confirm if my father is the father of another child?'

"AITA for refusing to do a DNA test to confirm if my father is the father of another child?"

For context, about 5 years ago, my mom came across a message from a woman claiming my father is the baby daddy to her 3 year old daughter, and compared photos of her and I when I was around that age to show that “we looked alike”, however dismissed getting any DNA tests after my father got incarcerated.

Now I, 17F, and my mom recently came across a message tonight from the same woman again claiming my father is the baby daddy to her now 8-year-old daughter. Now that her daughter is older, she has started questioning who her real father is.

Now, this is the part that has me a bit skeptical: Her daughter DOES has the same skin color as my dad, however every other feature is completely different. My dad has hazel almost vibrant green eyes, while the mother has bright blue. My mother ALSO has bright blue eyes, and my mother and father’s genes resulted in central heterochromia in my eyes.

This child has pitch black eyes. Usually brown eyes are the dominant gene to blue eyes, so how did pitch black eyes suddenly appear on my dad’s side of the family? (their eyes are all very vibrant green or grey). Not only do the eyes get me, but the nose shape on both my dad and I’s are the same, however this woman’s daughter has a completely different nose shape

This lady is basically convinced that my father is her baby daddy, and even said tonight if my father wasn’t willing to give a DNA test, asked if I would be willing to give a DNA test, yet has not even told us her name. I’m torn in between a decision but my father is actively in my life and I know that if he KNEW he had another child, he would also try to be in this child’s life.

Only thing is, she lives two states away. Getting a DNA test done would do what, get child support? She’s financially stable with a husband and 2 other kids, so why now is she reaching out after 5 years? Reassurance is real and I 100% support it, however in that big time gap, what was the mother telling her daughter?

With all of that in consideration, I told her I wouldn’t be comfortable giving a DNA sample. She told my mother that we’re ruining her daughter’s life by not allowing her to know her real father, however I just can’t believe her as if this was my father’s child, why didn’t she reach out sooner? I’m not sure anymore, I just feel like an a--, but my gut just tells me something fishy is going on. So, AITA? :/

The internet did not hold back.

LowBalance4404 wrote:

Info: is your dad still locked up? No matter where he is, does he know any of this?

OP responded:

He is aware of this and has been since she reached out when the child was 3, he is now out of jail. I’m not sure what exactly happened to the whole thing, i honestly forgot about it because it’s been 5 years now, but she’s trying to get me involved and has been, like comparing our photos together saying we look alike.. things like that, it’s just weird.

My father is sleeping rn, I live with him but i’m of course bringing this up to him tomorrow, I’ll give an update once there’s more info. just a weird situation that i’m in the middle of @.@

Butterfly_Chasers responded:

I'm confused. You said it would be hard for her to get a DNA sample from your dad because he lives 2 states away, and that is why she is coming to you. But you live with your dad? So wouldn't that mean you're also two states away?

OP responded:

I said she lives two states away from us. I never said it would be hard for her. She has the ability to contact my father yet has and has only been contacting my mother and I.

Aware_Welcome_8866 wrote:

You are 17. In no way is it appropriate to involve you in the issue of your dad fathering a child or proving the child is or is not his. The “adults” in your life have failed you miserably. Telling you, technically a child, you are ruining another child’s life is despicable. I hope you can tell these people you are done with the conversation.

The adults can figure out who belongs to who 🙄 (I can’t even believe I have to say such a thing). Incarceration doesn’t mean no contact with the outside world. She can run her suspicions past him, she can ask him to take a DNA test, and she can take the kid to visit him if they have questions.

Honey, this is so wildly inappropriate that if you have a trusted adult in your life, like a school counselor, please turn to them. An actual adult needs to tell these people how they are hurting you.

NTA.

StayOne6979 wrote:

NTA. I am sorry you have been put in this position. You are under no legal or ethical obligation to give anyone your DNA, unless you are required by law. This is not your business and I would not feel bad whatsoever in your shoes. That woman should know better. She can petition a judge to get your father's DNA if she is convinced her child is his. Does your dad have anything to say about this?

BabyCake2004 wrote:

NTA, however the entire section you've written on looks is BS. You've not accounted for this women's families features. It's not that brown eyes are dominant, it's that darker ones are. Assuming this child is your dad's, if the mother has darker eyes on her family then her child is just as likely to have dark eyes as hazel greenie eyes if not more.

You and your dad's noses look different because you have your dad's nose, this child could have her mums or grandparents on her mothers. It sounds like your trying to come up with reasons to not believe this because you don't want it to be true.

But in doing so your not using real logic. You've just decided "doesn't look like me, therefore it isn't true." If your making the decision only based on that logic, then yeah, your a bit of an AH. But at the end of the day it's not your job to do this. If she wants a DNA test she needs to go to the actual dad. Maybe get a court order for one. But not your circus, not your monkeys.