'AITA for refusing to drive my husband home from his colonoscopy?'
"AITA for refusing to drive my husband home from his colonoscopy?"
I need some outside perspective. AITA: My husband went to doc back in September. He needs a colonoscopy. I reminded him in October. In Nov, he had yet to schedule. I reminded him again and told him to try to schedule it before end of year because we hit all insurance and basically free.
He told me yesterday he scheduled for 19th. We are supposed to be in NE for the holidays. He then said we needed to wait and then after his colonoscopy, we would drive there. Which means I would be driving 7 plus hours by myself in late afternoon and evening. I don't do well at night. I could do it if in the morning.
I told him to reschedule to after 1st of year. He said no to help save money. So he then reschedule to next Wednesday 17th and said he needed me to pick him up at 12:30. I told him I can't do that because of my job. I am a teacher and it is one of my busiest times of year.
He says I am being rigid, not flexible, and selfish. Also, that I don't care about him. I explained that I can't just leave my class for 30 minutes especially at the lunch hour. Plus he's going to under general anesthesia. He needs somebody to be with him. Also, what if it takes longer than 30 minutes. He said you would figure it out if it was an emergency. This is not an emergency.
I also told him I can't leave that day because I have parents coming in to help with a big project, a party I am leading, and a parent conference after school. All of this was scheduled before his colonoscopy which he did not check with my schedule. He says it is because I can't talk on the phone. I mentioned that he could do it when I get home. He says they are closed - I get home most days at 3:30.
He told me to figure it out because he would do it for for me.
I told him I wouldn't have given him a week's notice to figure it out for something that's going to require me to take a day off of work. And it's not on me if he waited until last minute to get it scheduled.
I told him to reschedule for the first of the year and I didn't care if we'd have to pay more because at this point in time there's not a lot of options with the holidays. He said no and figure it out. I said no. He's says I am a shit because family first and now isn't talking me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
impendia wrote:
NTA. When I did my colonoscopy, I was told I needed to have someone accompany me and drive me home. I didn't have anyone I could reasonably ask, I'm not married and all my friends are busy during the daytime.
So I asked in advance if I could take an Uber. It's against their rules, but the doctor said he didn't expect any complications and approved the exception. If I did ask someone to take two hours of their day and sit around a doctor's waiting room, then I would certainly make sure that it was at a convenient time for them.
LCJ75 wrote:
You had to remind him multiple times. Most places require your driver to be there at beginning w contact number and then return. It is more than 30 min later, more like hour and a half to 2. If you have teacher insurance a colonoscopy should be included and not part of deductible and won't be a charge. Might want to check that. Then he can schedule next year. NTA he is a child.
aussieally wrote:
When I had my scope done, they had me fill out forms and give them a contact to call once i was ready to leave. so the person wasn’t waiting around all day. It can take over an hour for a person to come out of the anesthesia and if you had to use the prep and couldn’t eat before the appointment.
They generally give you some food. All this saying, OP NTA and call the clinic yourself and see if they can give you a call when he’s ready to go home so you can just do a drive by pick up/drop home.
Avengerspocket wrote:
When I had a colonoscopy, the hospital just required no rideshare, but medical transportation was allowed. This can be arranged relatively cheap. Or he can have a friend or family member (besides you) take him. I don’t understand why this is so hard, have him post on social media that he needs a ride and someone to make sure he gets situated safely at home and will pay.
Redditjusttheonce wrote:
Jesus, NTA. You’ve been clear, he needs to find someone else. If he has no one to pick him up they won’t release him, or more likely, won’t let him go ahead with the surgery. He can lie and say someone is picking him up and actually get an uber, but it’s not a good idea.
But I wouldn’t engage any further in this with him. If he thinks you’re picking him up, more fool him. You’re not. You’re a teacher you have more than enough to worry about than your arsehole husband. Sorry - your husband’s AH.
jdo5000 wrote:
Is he always this disrespectful of your time and your opinion? He sounds unbearably rude to just flat out take no responsibility for his own procedure and just putting it all on you.
baka-tari wrote:
Your husband and his AH are the AHs, you're NTA. He can still leverage the insurance prior to the end of the year by getting a friend to drive him home. That's assuming he has friends, which may be unlikely based on how he treats you. Still doesn't address the drive to NE for the holidays right after his procedure, but that just makes him more the asshole for forcing you to do the entire drive.
Dittoheadforever wrote:
You're NTA. He's the one who couldn't get his shit together and schedule it for a time that wasn't totally inconvenient.