'AITA for refusing to attend family functions now that my father's affair child is being invited to them?'
"AITA for refusing to attend family functions now that my father's affair child is being invited to them?"
I (M18) practically always had an issue with "Sadie" (F17) who I've known since kindergarten. Her brother (20M) bullied me for 6 months when I was in first grade. Him and his friends bullied me and a few others but I was his favorite target.
My mom got involved and he got in a lot of trouble especially when he was bullying younger kids. After her brother got in trouble Sadie turned on me and she has been persistent.
My mom was in and out of each school I went to making sure I was in different classes than Sadie and that the school didn't let Sadie get away with bullying me too. She didn't stop. At least she didn't stop until we found out my dad is her bio father, which was 10 or 11 months ago.
Which brings me to finding out my dad cheated on my mom (and my parents are almost at the end of their divorce now, dad has tried so hard to stop it) when she was pregnant with me.
Sadie's mom wasn't married but she was with Sadie's brother's dad and they got married when Sadie was 2. Sadie thought he was her dad too. But he didn't treat her the same and I have been told over and over to be forgiving and compassionate because the exclusion and verbal mistreatment she got from her "dad" made her lash out.
I was pissed when I found out. I was pissed at dad for doing that to mom. But of all people he could have made, it had to be Sadie? Yeah, I made it clear to everyone that Sadie might have the same bio dad as me but I would never be her brother and I still hate her so she can kick rocks and leave me alone.
My dad's family aren't talking to him either. They don't like the mess he made and they tried to rally around me and mom. But a few months ago they started to change and would ask us to change our feelings toward Sadie and to find compassion.
My mom had none for her and she told dad's family members there was no way she would family up (her way to describe it) to a girl who tormented me for a decade and even cyber harassed me with messages telling me to KMS.
I told dad's family that I wasn't willing to have a relationship with Sadie. I said I wouldn't stop them but they shouldn't expect to see me where Sadie will be. They told me a million times she's my sister and I told them she's dad's affair kid and a stalker and I hate her. I said dad messing up and making her doesn't change that.
Sadie's first family function is going to be Christmas and dad's side are so annoyed I won't show my face for even a little while. They told me it would be good for me and for Sadie and I told them I don't care what's good for Sadie.
I said seeing her would ruin my Christmas. Just like having to pretend I don't hate her would ruin it. They told me I should see all she's been through and be willing to at least see her for their sakes. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Time to put people on a contact time out.
Anodew (OP)
Never thought I'd be in this position but you're right. At this point we're going around in circles and they're going to turn on me more as they realize there's no compromise for me.
They will not stop. Don't let the bastards grind you down. No contact seems like the best strategy. Give them time to think about their BS.
Why do I feel I\it has always been the intention from the start... rally around OP, like they support his decision then all of a sudden they see reason and want you to compromise. Time to bid them good bye and start living your best life without them.
Anodew (OP)
I thought the same thing after they started pushing me and mom to forgive Sadie and treat her like family. Because that turn around happened abruptly and IDK how you can go from supporting me and mom to being Team Sadie and screaming that she deserves to be loved and forgiven.
Do you still have those messages where she cyber bullied you? Print them and put them in a nice frame and make that your present to your dads family. A copy for everyone telling you to forgive her. You are NTA, go spend Christmas with your mom and her family.
Anodew (OP)
I sure do. A few of my cousins read them and even thought it was crazy for the older relatives are pushing me to forgive and be Sadie's brother.
Do it, OP. Get a big, cheap frame, print the messages and put it in the frame. Wrap it nice, and address it to the whole family. Update Me!
Anodew (OP)
I'm kinda tempted to but I don't know that it would do much except for pissing them off. Maybe some time of no contact would be better overall. At least it gives me a break from their pushing.
NTA. Your family is pathetic for demanding you have a relationship with your abuser. And I would tell them as much.
NTA. A family united only by DNA rather than love isn't a family. Whether Sadie is related or not, there's a lot of history between you two that's sufficient enough to avoid her. I certainly wouldn't want to put on a happy, holiday face at my bully's party.
Anodew (OP)
I don't know many people who would. You've also got to make nice which is not happening. After being told to KMS by her several different times I reached the point where there can never be any nice interactions.
Good for you, you should not be forced to interact with your bully. Show your family all the crap she put you through if you can and if they still insist you may need to put them in timeout.