'AITA for refusing to financially support my daughter's gap year?' 'We paid for our other kids' college.'

"AITA for refusing to financially support my daughter's 'gap year' to pursue acting, when we paid for our other kids college expenses?"

I (48F) and my husband (49M) have three kids (23F, 20M, and 18F). From the beginning, my husband and I have agreed we would financially support our kids through college for tuition, rent, groceries, etc. Our oldest completed her undergrad, and we covered all the expenses. She is now in medical school, and we are still paying her education and living costs.

Our middle child is still in undergrad, and we are paying for that and plan to cover his grad school, too. Our youngest has never been as into studies as my older two, and I have always done my best to support her creative hobbies like art and theater. She is supposed to enter college end of September, but she is now saying she would rather defer for a year to pursue theater/acting instead.

She had a long conversation with us when she broke the news and made a powerpoint explaining everything she planned to do. She said she plans to move to LA for the year and promised that if things did not work out after the year, she would then go to college. The thing is, she expects us to finance everything like we did with her siblings.

I said she could go, but we would not pay for it because we agreed to support our kids through college, which she is choosing not to attend. I suggested instead that she should go to college and pursue acting on the side. She said that she needs to give it her full attention for at least a year.

She insists that I am being unfair and showing favoritism towards her siblings because they are going the more "traditional way," and that she has a plan and just needs time. My oldest called and said that we have supported her through her passions and that we should do the same for our youngest, even if her path is different.

My husband is now leaning towards letting her go, saying, "What's the harm in a year?" But I feel strongly about this. LA is expensive, and I don't want to waste money on a path that has no guaranteed return. I don't want to pay tens of thousands for something she could do on the side or later on.

The rest of my family, besides my husband, who is trying to remain neutral, thinks I'm the ahole for not supporting her. So AITA for not paying for my daughter's "gap year."

Here's what people had to say to OP:

AnnoyedSpaceDust said:

NTA. There are college degrees for acting/theatre/arts she could attend. Also to point out LA has a high cost of living. So if you were to support the gap year, it doesn’t work, then they get 4 years of paid expenses for college on top of that? Seems unfair to the other kids.

Character-Twist-1409 said:

NTA. Why can't she go to school for acting or theater. There are great programs in NYC and probably in LA too. That way she can learn, network and get a degree. Some jobs just need a degree in anything. She can do auditions around classes. That way you are still supporting her. If she gets a big break she can take a LOA to see how it works out.

bumbalarie said:

NTA. Your daughter should study and train for her chosen career — even “acting.” Professional actors are skilled & talented individuals. Your daughter is incredibly naive (arrogant?) if she thinks she can pop into LA and become an “actor” with zero connections & training. Sure, it happens occasionally but it is not the norm. Daughter needs a reality check — not coddling. Let her fund it herself.

Ill-Moose-5783 said:

NTA. Why can’t she study theater somewhere that would give her more of chance then just moving to LA.