Boy says no to helping step-sister who made his life unbearable for years. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to give free tutoring to my mom's stepdaughter because she bullied me when my mom married her dad?"
I (17M) live with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 4 and they shared me 50-50. When I was 7 my mom met her husband Ricky and they got married after dating for about a year. Ricky had three kids. Frankie was a year older than me, Cole was two years younger and Jesse was three years younger.
Frankie wasn't happy her mom was gone and she took her dad's marriage to my mom out on me. She bullied me for 3 years at my mom's and in school. My mom and Ricky knew and they intervened but my mom also didn't really make me feel better and she kept making excuses for why we had to try and make things work.
Even when Frankie threatened to push me out of the upstairs window my mom would tell me I needed to be patient, kind and loving and that sometimes siblings struggle with new additions.
Frankie was physically and emotionally bullying me and she had access to me way more than I wanted her to. There wasn't a day with my mom when she didn't bully me.
Some of the stuff she did in those three years included; breaking my stuff, threatening me, throwing her juice over me in school, tripping me up in school, ruining my homework, trying to close doors on my hand, locking me out of the house, pouring water on my bed right before my bedtime, spreading rumors at school about me pooping my pants and peeing myself when we'd go anywhere.
When it got to the point I wasn't eating, was struggling in school, the school were reaching out to my parents and my interest in stuff was gone, my dad was able to win custody of me because the home environment was considered unhealthy for me and was very literally putting me at risk.
My mom was livid but she kept some legal custody. This meant I had to stay in the same school because mom said so. We also met up once a week for two hours outside her house and without Ricky and his kids.
Frankie kept bullying me at school and she did a few more physical things to me. Dad finally got permission to move my school when Frankie threatened me in front of the whole school.
I never forgave my mom for staying with Ricky and choosing to be a stepmom to Frankie over being my mom. And she did. People can say she didn't do that all they want, and some have said that to me, but it's what she did. She chose her marriage and her stepkids over me. She expected me to tolerate that and love Frankie anyway and to be glad she met Ricky.
I still don't go to my mom's and our visits have decreased significantly. She added me to a group chat with her and Ricky and they told me Frankie's doing really bad in school, might not be able to pull off graduating, and she needs a tutor.
My mom knows I tutor for my school. The two of them asked me to tutor Frankie so she can have a chance at graduating. Ricky made this really passionate speech about how she needs this. My mom told me I should help out family and we can try to put "the mess" behind us.
I told them I would never help Frankie and I would rather die than spend another second with her. I told them not to bother me with that again and I left the chat and blocked Ricky's number (can't legally block my mom's because of the court stuff). My mom and Ricky have texted me from mom's phone asking me to reconsider and saying I need to move forward and try to work on the family stuff.
And yeah, like my title says they want me to do it for free. Or as mom said for "bonus points with the parents". Papa bear came out when I told my dad what they'd asked me. He's so mad. But I know that digging my heels in might be sorta petty and show an unwillingness to see if Frankie has/will/could change in the future. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Not petty at all - your mother’s behaviour has been obscene - so they are so worried about Frankie but didn’t appear to show the same level of concern about you!
Your mother was sacrifice your well being for keeping peace with a load of bullies - honestly I hate your mother and would not entertain her suggestion for a hot second - it’s worthy of a laugh but that’s about all - it’s absurd and it says a lot about her attitudes to you still ! She is still willing to sacrifice you for her new family ! What a douche bag she is.
Beneficial-Shoe1997 (OP)
I hate her too. She doesn't realize it but eventually she'll know it. I feel so betrayed by her. She was supposed to protect and love me and only my dad did that in the end.
I love your dad and I just want to give you a hug. Keep that backbone honey, you owe them nothing, you owe Frankie nothing, and they’re all awful people for what they did to you.
Let Frankie fail. Next time they come at you, say this: “if she had spent more time studying instead of bullying me, if you two had defended me and made her study more instead of let her bully me, she wouldn’t be failing. She can fail and go to summer school”.
You just continue growing into the wonderful man you’re going to become. Forget them. I’m glad you have your dad. Oh and NTA, not petty. You’re protecting your mental health.
Beneficial-Shoe1997 (OP)
I'll give him a hug for you! I'll also tell him what people say because I want him to know more than just me sees it.
Big no to helping your tormentor. NTA. You don't owe your mom anything at this point - she did nothing to help when you were being abused (and made it worse). Just wait until you are 18 and say goodbye. Hugs!