'AITA for refusing to let my friend into my house?' 'I haven't responded.'
"AITA for refusing to let my friend into my house after she was over 6 hours late?"
My best friend (18F) and I (18F) were supposed to go to a car show pretty early tomorrow morning. She was going to sleep over at my house since I live like 10 minutes from it while she’s like 30 minutes away.
We called at around 5pm and she said that she’d be over by 9pm at the latest because she was going to a car/motorcycle meet. I was totally fine with this because I don’t go to those meets because of the dangerousness of them and the not so legal things that go on during them.
At around 7pm, I texted asking for an update to which I got no reply. A little extra backstory: she bought a motorcycle three days ago without telling her parents, has no license, permit, insurance, plate, or registration, and already got into an accident the first day of owning it (totally her fault).
She was arrested but released pretty fast. This is her third time she’s had to go to court for vehicle violations and her parents still have no clue. Anyways, the plan was that she’d drop off her bike somewhere, grab her car, and then come over by 9pm, but I knew she was just going to bring her bike to my place anyway.
I texted every hour to check in, still no response (I’m truly just terrified for her safety.) My parents, who aren’t super strict but they’re firm, said that by 10:30pm she couldn’t stay over anymore because it was too late, they were heading to bed, and they didn’t want an illegal bike in their driveway or issues with the HOA for loud noises at night.
(They’re crazy about noises past 9pm because we live in a neighborhood with a good amount of seniors.) I apologized and explained everything to her through text on three different platforms. She never fully opened any of my messages (half swiped), but was active and posting.
At like 3:45am, my parents woke me up telling me that she was outside revving her bike in our driveway?? We all stayed quiet, pretending to be asleep. Then she started banging oddly loudly on the door.I still didn’t let her in. At around 4am she finally left. She texted me back calling me the “biggest ahole” and “worst friend ever.”
I haven’t responded. I still planned to apologize because she’s one of my only real friends, or so I thought, until she started posting on TikTok and Instagram about how awful and terrible I was.
I honestly just felt so disrespected and disgusted at her disregard of respect for me and my family. AITA for not letting her use me as a place to crash and hide her real life from her parents? What do I even do from here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Walensercla23 said:
NTA! Your parents told you she’s not coming in past 10:30pm, fairly reasonable, she was meant to come in the evening, not at night, you are not a hotel she can come and just crash at. Quite frankly, either your friend is reckless, and dumb, or she’s going through a tough phase, but either way is not your responsibility.
I had unfortunately, a couple of friends like her, you always end up acting like their mum, you get worried and anxious for them when they DGAF. If I were you I’d stop seeing her, put yourself first. PS: what friend goes on instagram to embarrass you, and air your dirty laundry, in front of everyone, instead of replying or talking to you?
Lizm3 said:
Your friend is a nightmare. Totally unreasonable. Personally I'd cut her off and never speak to her again, she sounds totally self absorbed. NTA.
Traditional_Koala216 said:
NTA. She said 9 and your parents were gracious enough to give her an extra hour and a half. How freaking rude to be revving her bike up at 3:30 am. She may have been your friend, but she isn't yours. She's awful.
Particular-Try5584 said:
NTA. It sounds like this ‘friend’ and you have wildly different lives…find some mates who have hobbies in common with you, and who live a lifestyle similar to yours. She’s into partying and scoring charges and doing drugs right? And you…aren’t. So…what are your hobbies? Go volunteer or spend time doing those and meet some cool people with a lot more in common with you!
Substantial_Egg_4660 said:
NTA. If I was your parents I would be calling her parents telling them what she was doing and the time she was disturbing everyone.
mumtwothree said:
NTA. This girl is not a friend. She was using you and your home for her late night adventures so her parents wouldn’t know.
Gnarly_314 said:
NTA. You have nothing to apologize for. Your so called friend ignored everything discussed about her staying at your home, has been disrespectful to you, your parents and your neighbors and is now blaming you for the consequences of her behavior. Go to the show on your own and have a great time.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
As per everyone’s advice, I ended up telling her parents everything that was going on and what had happened. They ended up texting me first because they saw that her location was no longer at my house.
I am deciding to completely cut her off, while we’ve been through a lot together, I cannot risk my own safety or sanity by continuing to entertain her irresponsible behavior. I’m tired of acting like her mom. Thank you to everyone for your advice!