'AITA for refusing to give my late aunt’s heirloom necklace to her daughter getting married?'
"AITA for refusing to give my late aunt’s heirloom necklace to her daughter?"
My aunt passed away a few years ago, and before she died, she gave me(27F) a beautiful antique necklace that had been in our family for generations. She told me she wanted me to have it because we were extremely close. She knew I’d treasure it, and I have ever since.
Now her daughter, Lily (29F) is getting married, and last week she asked if she could borrow the necklace as her “something old.” I said yes at first, because I thought it was just for the wedding day. But then she casually mentioned that she actually wanted to keep it permanently.
I was confused and asked what she meant, and she said it should have been hers all along, since it belonged to her mother. She said it was unfair that I had it instead of her, and that she deserved it more because she is her daughter. I told her, “I thought you just wanted to borrow it. Aunt gave this to me because she wanted me to have it. I’m not giving it away.”
She got upset and said my aunt was probably just being polite when she gave it to me, and that if she were still here, she would’ve “obviously” wanted her own daughter to have it instead. She told me I was being selfish and should do the right thing.
Now my mom and a few relatives are saying I should just give it to her because it was her mom’s and it would mean a lot to her on her wedding day. But to me, this isn’t just some family heirloom.
It was a gift meant for me. I understand why she wants it, but my aunt had her reasons for giving it to me. I don’t think I should be guilted into handing it over just because Lily suddenly decided she wants it now.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
notthedefaultname said:
NTA. Your aunt choose to give it to you. She could've choose to save it for her daughter if she wanted to do that instead. As lovely as it would be to lend it for the ceremony, I would be really cautious since she's indicated wanting to keep it and other family members are weighing in.
Loaning it for her wedding will make it even more sentimental for your cousin as her wedding jewelry, and she my try to frame it to relatives as you having gifted it to her. You also don't want to go to court over a heirloom if she doesn't give it back, especially since you likely don't have documents around the gift, and even if you win you may only be awarded a judgment telling her to pay you the value.
Which means you possibly could only try to enforce her paying you money not actually giving the sentimental items back, all while tearing part your family because of the court case. Remember, keeping an item your aunt gifted isn't you making problems. It's her asking you to give up your possession and not taking no for an answer that's causing family drama.
nackle09 said:
NTA, I wouldn't let her borrow it cause she will "misplace it" and you will never see it again.
LousView said:
NTA. Good luck standing your ground on this one, I hope you keep it. Sounds precious to you.
Final_Salamander8588 said:
NTA. You keep your necklace. Your aunt gave it to you personally because she wanted you to have it. Don’t be manipulated. I wouldn’t advise even loaning it.
Ok-Position7403 said:
NTA. Do NOT lend it to her. Tell these people who are all so freely dictating what should happen, "Auntie deliberately and specifically gave me this. It was her wish that I have it.
You may be comfortable disrespecting the wishes of the departed, but I'm not. Now that cousin has admitted she thinks it should be hers, I can't risk lending it. Auntie would be so disappointed for me to disregard her gift so casually."
tefster said:
NTA. Your aunt chose to give it to you for a reason. No way would I loan that out, you'll never get it back. Is it feasible to get a cheap replica made up and let her have that for the wedding so that she has the aesthetics of it. It doesn't settle the ownership argument but it might diffuse it. And it could be the "something new."
Skeptic_Prime said:
NTA, it is possible to have meaningful relationships with people who aren't your direct descendants and want to give those people gifts. She is out of line for asking you. Good luck