'AITA for refusing to give my friend’s son my coat during a snowy hike?'
"AITA for refusing to give my friend’s son my coat during a snowy hike?"
This incident occurred a few days before Christmas, but my friend still hasn’t spoken to me, so I’m trying to determine if I was truly in the wrong. I invited my friends to go on a winter hike. The location is not far from our home and offers stunning views of the mountains.
Five women were going, including two who brought their children: Jane, who is 12, and Alex, who is 13. When we all arrived at the parking lot before the hike, Alex’s mother insisted that he bundle up.
He was wearing shorts, crocs, and a hoodie, claiming he wasn’t cold. I believe he was trying to impress Jane. Initially, I didn’t care much about the situation until we were halfway into the hike. There was a designated sitting area where we planned to eat lunch. At that point, everyone could sense that Alex was freezing, and it was also snowing lightly.
His mother was frustrated with him, reminding him that she had told him to wear a coat. She took off her coat and wrapped it around him, but he shrugged it off, saying , “I’m not wearing a pink coat!” Again, I didn’t really pay much attention to their argument. I’m not a parent, and it wasn’t my business. Then, the mother said, “OP, Alex wants to wear your coat because it’s black.”
I had the most gender-neutral coat there I suppose. It also goes down to my ankles, and since Alex and I are roughly the same height, it would have covered him. I said no. I was wearing warm clothing (thermals and a sweater), but if I removed it, I would have been cold. She was upset and said “He’s a child! Are you going to let a child sit here and freeze!”
I suggested that they walk back to their car and go home. There was a shortcut right where we were that would have taken them directly to the parking lot in just 10-15minutes. The other people at the hike kept giving me disapproving glances and even said, “Oh, just let him wear it,” all the while not offering their coats.
Eventually, Alex and his mother left. The rest of the hike was filled with awkward silence. Later, in our group chat, Alex’s mother posted a lengthy rant about how rude I was and that I would never understand what it was like being a mother. I thought that after a few weeks, she would have moved on, but she hasn’t. Was I in the wrong?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AspectNo1992 wrote:
"It's incredibly irresponsible for a mother to not probably clothe her child for a winter hike, nor bring spare clothing despite knowing what he was wearing was inappropriate for a snowy hike."
Put that in the groupchat, NTA.
OP responded:
I think she put me on ignore because she doesn’t reply to anything I say.
Disastrous-Assist-90 wrote:
NTA as both a teacher and a parent, it’s important to let children learn from natural consequences sometimes. Two people needed to learn a lesson that day, and they’re closely related.
Tanyec wrote:
NTA.
13 is old enough to know to dress properly or suffer the consequences
If he had been truly freezing he’d have taken the pink coat
If was his and his mom’s responsibility to ensure he had proper clothing.
The very least the mom could have done is offer to switch coats with you.
Evening_Culture_42 wrote:
I'm a parent and you're NTA. If the kid isn't cold enough to wear a pink coat, he's not actually cold. Also as a parent, I admit that there were several times my kid has tried to do something dumb like this, and I knew they would be unhappy, so I planned a "rescue" option (like bringing the coat along myself).
Then you can help your child but also relentlessly tease them about their lack of foresight so that the same mistake is not repeated. That's how kids learn.
If you know your kid is going to be cold and sad, purposefully leaving their coat behind is just bad parenting and kind of mean. The kid in this situation is just going to be pissed off at his mother, he's not going to learn that he should dress appropriately for the weather.
slightlysanemomof5 wrote:
Aside from the coat, who lets their child hike in crocs? ( with change of snow!) As a parent who has dealt with the I know better than you stage of childhood, two choices dress appropriately or stay home. Let someone else give up their coat but friend should have just said Mr “ I’m not cold” it’s time to hike to the car and go home. NTA.
lizardeater wrote:
Kids learn from consequences. Last year we were going on an outing on a day where the high temp was 4 degrees (Fahrenheit). I knew we would need to walk about a half a mile from the parking lot to the venue, and I told all four children to dress appropriately.
One of them arrived in the car in shorts, with a backpack, and told me he had long pants in the backpack. Once we’d arrived, and got out of the car, the ruse was up: he’d never packed pants. So, he walked for a half a mile in 4 degree weather in his shorts. He didn’t die, he got very cold, and now he brings pants when I tell him too. Problem solved.