'AITA for refusing to give up our only bedroom for my mother-in-law?' 'It's SELFISH.'

"AITA for refusing to give up our only bedroom for my mother-in-law to stay?"

My husband's parents separated 6 weeks ago - dad left mum for someone else. Obviously she is very upset about it and we have been supporting her as much as we can. She is in her 70s, lives 1.5 hours away and has never driven, so getting her to come to us has always been dependent on her and her husband traveling together.

As husband and I are starting work again soon, we are wanting to encourage her to come to us more often by public transport, and her staying over would make things easier. Our house is small.

We have one bedroom and no sofa bed. We suggested to her that we could swap our sofa in the living room for a sofa bed so that she could spend more time here. She was hesitant, so we suggested that we have a really good double air mattress that she could stay on in the living room, but again she was hesitant. She is healthy and fit, so there are no medical reasons why she couldn't sleep on it.

My husband has now asked me whether we could give up our bed and bedroom for her when she stays and we sleep on the air mattress. He said it'll only be once or twice. AITA for saying that I don't feel we should?

Though I do understand that it isn't ideal to sleep in the living room, we have offered her two solutions. I feel like we should do what we can to support, but should also have our own boundaries. He is disappointed and thinks it's selfish not to give her our bed.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

WhizGidget said:

First it's the bed once a month. Then it's the bed every weekend. Then she moves in. Stop all of this now. It's your house too. You need to have a significant discussion with your husband, and maybe some planning - your MIL could benefit from living in a retirement or senior living community and it can even be nearby (where she can visit you and then go back to her own bed). NTA.

Lazy_Age_9466 said:

Do what you want. But being healthy and fit in your seventies does not mean your back and joints are okay with sleeping on an air mattress or sofa bed. I am in my early sixties and even sleeping on a crap mattress makes my back ache the next day.

2dogslife said:

There are futons and daybeds that are actually beds as well as working as couches. I would absolutely NOT sleep on an air mattress for an inlaw. It's your house and your bed. NTA. This is a husband issue if he thinks it's OK.

original-synth said:

NTA and I'm actually disturbed by all the comments saying you're TA and to give up your room for MIL?? Hell no.

griefquest said:

NTA. You're not saying no to helping her you've offered real, thoughtful options that work within the space you have. Wanting to keep your own bedroom (especially since it's your only one!) doesn’t make you selfish, just human.

It’s really generous that you're trying to make her feel welcome, but it's also okay to have boundaries in your own home. Hopefully your husband can see that you’re still being supportive, just in a way that works for both of you.

ThatsItImOverThis said:

NTA. You offered her two solutions as a guest, she refused both. She was no doubt expecting you to just give up her bed to her. Tell your husband to book her a hotel and make sure it has two queen beds in case he argues with you about it