'AITA for refusing to give up my life insurance payout and asking my ex’s family to refinance the car he left me?'
"AITA for refusing to give up my life insurance payout and asking my ex’s family to refinance the car he left me?"
So my ex passed away recently in a work-related accident. It’s sad, of course. I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. But the truth is, we hadn’t been together in over a year when it happened. We were together for five years, and we broke up because he cheated on me and got someone else pregnant. That breakup wrecked me. It took me a long time to recover. I haven’t seen him since.
After the breakup, I went no contact. I’ve spent the past year healing, learning to be happy again, and moving on. I didn’t go to the funeral. I didn’t want to see the baby mama or his family. And while I’m not happy he’s gone, I can’t say I’m devastated anymore either. I grieved this person when I left the relationship. Now here’s where things get complicated.
Six months after our breakup, and after the baby was born, he took out a life insurance policy. In it, he named me as the 50% beneficiary. His mom and the baby mama each got 25%. I didn’t know this until the insurance company called me. I assumed it was some paperwork leftover from when we were together. But nope this was a new policy, dated well after the breakup.
That means this was his decision. At the same time, there’s a car. He financed it while we were still together, but it’s under my name and credit. I begged him for over a year to refinance it, to the point the only reason I ever contacted him was for the refinancing of that car. He never refinanced that car, I doubt he was ever going to.
Now that he’s gone, it’s still tied to me. The car is sitting in my garage, and his family has reached out saying the baby mama needs it for work. I told them, fine. You can have it as soon as it’s refinanced and no longer on my credit. I will GLADLY sign whatever paper they need. But I am not going to risk my credit on people I don’t trust to make payments.
And now they’re demanding that I give up the life insurance payout too. That I should “do the right thing” and give it to his mom or the baby mama. But here’s the thing, I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask to be put on that policy. He made that choice, after everything that happened between us.
Honestly?
I feel like I earned that money. I spent five years with that man. Five years dealing with the stress, the gaslighting, the emotional pain, the betrayal. I loved him deeply and I lost so much trying to make that relationship work.
I stayed with him until I found out his baby mama was pregnant, because he was actively hiding it from me at that time. I was with him through the worst parts of his life. If anything, this money feels like the only thing I ever got back from all the bulls#$t. He chose to leave it to me. Probably because deep down, he knew how badly he treated me.
The internet had a lot of thoughts to share.
Business-Garbage-370 wrote:
NTA. It’s your money and your car. I’d block all of them and move on.
OP responded:
Yeah. That’s how it’s looking, but idk why it’s so hard to refinance the car. I don’t want this car either and I feel bad about selling it.
Neutral_guy_9 wrote:
How is a car “under your name” but also somehow not your car?
OP responded:
My credit was better than him so we financed it under my name and credit.
teeshoye wrote:
Girl, block them and move on.
He left you that AFTER you broke up so it was HIS decision. They don’t like it?? Too bad! And his AP should find a car. I would sell it to get it off of your credit. But block them and don’t give them a penny!
noonecares801 wrote:
NTA. He willingly left it to you knowing he had a child. And he left them money as well. It’s not like he gave you everything. Personally I would sell the car. Or take in your car and this car and use it to get a better one for you.
BrittanyBarnes1917 wrote:
Are we sure this was a work related accident or only he wanted it to look like one. The timing of the policy and then the accident seems fishy. Maybe he felt very guilty for what he did and wanted to make a mends in a way?
OP responded:
I don’t know the specifics, but I’m pretty sure it was an accident. He wasn’t that kind of guy.
Ok_Clerk_6960 wrote:
He named you as a beneficiary AFTER you broke up. This was intentional on his part. He wanted you to have this money. Keep the money and sell the car. Baby mama can buy it or she can find another way to get to work.
Sell it for the amount left on the loan as long as you haven’t had to make up any missed payments. If you’ve had to make any payments add those into the total. You’re giving them a break on the car. They can take it or leave it.
DO NOT let them browbeat you into giving up what your ex absolutely intended you to have. Block them. Go no contact. Get some cameras to monitor your house if you think they might cause issues. Invest your money. You aren’t selfish nor are you an AH. Your ex made sure you were taken care of. Makes me think he regretted what he did and wanted to show you he cared about you.
Oona22 wrote:
NTA. You've suffered enough, and the fact that you suffered before the rest of them (and that you suffered betrayal at the same time as grief) does not in any way mean you owe any of those people ANYTHING. With respect to the life insurance, take what is yours. You are under no obligation whatsoever to make changes to his express wishes.
(It's profoundly weird that he didn't leave more to his child but again, those were his wishes.) With respect to the car, you're also being fair. You waited a year for him to change the paperwork and get that refinanced and he didn't.
If you just gave the car to the baby's mom there's no telling if it would ever be refinanced -- ESPECIALLY if they're salty over your ex leaving you 50% of his life insurance. Nope. You do you. They can refinance the car or buy it from you outright. The life insurance money is yours, because that's what he wanted AND because you owe those people nothing.