'AITA for refusing to go to my sister’s wedding because I can't bring my baby?'

"AITA for refusing to go to my sister’s wedding because I can't bring my baby?"

So, my sister (29F) is getting married in December, and she's always been the type of person who wants a "perfect aesthetic" for everything; her Instagram basically looks like it was created by a lifestyle influencer, and she's been planning this wedding for over two years.

The issue is, she's having a child-free wedding, which I totally understand and respect…to an extent. The problem is my baby will be three months at the time, and I'm exclusively breastfeeding. I literally can't leave her for more than a couple of hours.

When the invites went out, mine didn't have a "plus one" or anything about kids, so I texted my sister and asked if it would be okay if I brought the baby just for the ceremony and maybe stepped out if she got fussy. In fact, I even offered to sit in the back so that I wouldn't be a distraction.

She straight-out said no-no babies, no exceptions. When I said that meant I probably wouldn't be able to come, she got super upset, saying I was being selfish and "making her wedding about me." She said "every mom manages to leave their baby for one day" and that she'd "already given me enough time to adjust?"

I told her I wasn't comfortable leaving my newborn with anyone yet, and honestly, I don't want to spend her whole wedding day stressing about whether my baby is hungry or crying. She called me dramatic, saying she will "never forgive me" if I skip her wedding over this. My mom is on her side, saying I should just pump and leave milk for the baby, but my husband thinks my sister is being unreasonable.

Now everyone's talking about how I'm "ruining the family dynamic" and "making things harder than they need to be." I feel awful because I love my sister, and I want to be there for her big day; at the same time, I don't think I should be guilted into leaving my newborn. So…AITA for refusing to go to my sister's wedding if I can't bring my baby?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Dry_Custard_3255 said:

NTA. Are people really this dramatic? While you can pump and leave the milk for the baby. If you don't have a plus one then you'd be leaving the baby with your husband. Or he can go in your place. Regardless, having a child free wedding means, some people won't be able to attend. Your absence won't ruin the wedding. Now if the groom didn't show up then...

marugirl said:

Sorry, no plus one - so your husband isn't invited? Sis is TA for not understanding but if you hubby isn't going couldn't baby stay with him?

Unusual_Holiday8451 said:

NTA. Some people elevate their weddings so much, even to the detriment of their family members. It's pure narcissism.

tangerinecoconuts said:

NTA, your sister is ruining the family dynamic by not accepting the stage of life you are at. It’s just reality. In 3 more months when the baby is 6 months? MAYBE. Maybe. But this is still the newborn trenches. If she decides to have children she’s going to feel awful for how she made you feel at this time in your life.

Pear_tickle said:

NTA. You and your breastfeeding baby are a package deal at this age. It’s still your sister and if the wedding is local, what I would do is have your husband come with you and baby to the ceremony. Husband and baby stay in the lobby. You slip inside and attend the ceremony. Then you head home.

monkey_monkey_monkey said:

You're NTA for not attending and your sister is NTA for having a child free wedding. Your sister is the AH for accepting the results of having a child free wedding. People are always able to put parameters on their wedding. Child free, destination, vegan, etc. However, they have to accept that doing so may prevent some people from attending without getting mad.