'AITA for refusing to go to my wife's family vacation?' 'She didn't consult me before booking it.'
"AITA for refusing to go to my wife's family vacation because she didn't consult me before booking it?"
I (35M) have been married to my wife, Jenna (33F), for 6 years. Recently, she surprised me by saying she booked a week-long vacation for us with her family—her parents, siblings, and their kids. She was super excited and said she had everything planned: the location, the dates, and even our share of the costs.
The problem is, she never talked to me about it beforehand. I work a demanding job, and I need to plan my time off carefully. The dates she picked clash with a big project at work, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving during such a critical time. On top of that, I feel frustrated that she assumed I’d be okay with the whole thing without asking me.
When I told her I couldn’t go and explained why, she got upset, saying I was being “selfish” and that I “never prioritize her family.” She said this trip is important to her because her family rarely gets together like this, and she had been looking forward to us all bonding. I told her I understand, but booking something without consulting me isn’t fair.
Now she’s angry and is accusing me of not caring about her or her family. I feel like I have a valid reason for not going, but she’s making me feel guilty about it. Some friends are saying I should “just make it work” to keep the peace, but I’m standing firm that she should have discussed it with me first. So, AITA for refusing to go to my wife's family vacation because she didn't consult me before booking it?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LittleOldNobody said:
NTA. You’ve got responsibilities and she doesn’t see them. I hope you’ll get her to realize that without getting into a fight though!
UnfairEntrance159 said:
NTA. Your wife doesn't seem to understand that people can't just leave their responsibilities at any time they please.
_s1m0n_s3z said:
NTA. She f'd up. It is possible that she assumed that you would *never* find it convenient to spend time with her family and did it deliberately, but the method she chose for forcing your hand cannot be condoned. This may affect your marriage.
Careless-Ability-748 said:
NTA. That's not something you book without discussion. I'm curious why she would do that as a surprise, it's not like it's a present for you.
sandpaper_fig said:
NTA. You have responsibilities. She should have spoken to you about dates before she booked anything.
thequiethunter said:
NTA. You don't tell your spouse what they are doing to do. You ask them and plan together. She is being ridiculous.