'AITA for refusing to help my best friend with her wedding?' 'I'm being PETTY.'

"AITA for refusing to help my best friend with her wedding because she didn’t make me a bridesmaid?"

My best friend [24F] we’ll call her may, and I [24F] have been close since middle school. We’ve talked about being in each others weddings, so when she got engaged last year, i assumed I’d be a bridesmaid.

She recently asked me to help with the wedding planning, but when she showed me the list for her bridal party, I wasn’t on the list. I asked why, and she got awkward and said she had to make some choices. The party included her sister, her fiancés sister, and a few newer friends she’s known for a couple of years. She wanted a small party.

I didn’t want to make it a big deal though. I congratulated her and figured I’d still be a guest. But then she started asking me for a lot of help, things like dress shopping, DIY decorations, venue hunting, making party favors, etc etc...

I finally told her, “Hey, I love you, but I feel weird doing all of this when I’m not even a bridesmaid.” She got angry and said that she thought I’d still want to be involved because we’re best friends. I told her I’d still be at the wedding, but I wasn’t gonna do all of this extra work when she didn’t even consider me close enough to be at her bridal party.

Now she and some of our mutual friends are giving me the cold shoulder, saying I’m being petty and making the wedding “about me.” But I’m not gonna be doing bridesmaid-level work if I’m not one. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

1000thatbeyotch said:

NTA. She chose her new friends over you. If the bridal party was strictly family, it would be one thing, but she wants you to do all the work for her without actually being a part of the gown shopping and hair and make up. That is extremely hurtful and would make me rethink the friendship and even attending the wedding.

capmanor1755 said:

NTA. It's her wedding and if she wants a small wedding party she 100% gets to have one. But you're a guest, not a bridesmaid, and that means you aren't part of the bridesmaid labor pool. She's so off base here you may end up losing this friendship but that might not be such a bad thing.

RoyallyOakie said:

NTA...you're supposed to keep these tasks in mind when you choose your bridesmaids. If she chose people she can't count on, that's her problem. Those who think you're being petty are free to offer their own assistance.

MurkyMitzy said:

NTA. Last time I checked, wedding planners get paid.

Exciting-Peanut-1526 said:

NTA. Just like she can choose her bridesmaids you can choose not to help her. She has a whole bridal party to help her with all this stuff, good for you on standing up for yourself.

testever said:

You are literally NOT making it about you, since you aren’t involved at all. NTA.