'AITA for refusing to help my brother and SIL while they're struggling by meal prepping?'
"AITA for refusing to help my brother and SIL while they're struggling by meal prepping a few meals a week for them and their kids?"
I (17m) have an older brother "James" (28m) who's married to "Erica" and has three kids with another on the way. Me and James don't have a relationship. I feel like he resents me for being born or like I stole our parents from him or something because he was always a huge jerk to me.
I'm talking putting stuff where I couldn't reach them when I was little, locking me in my room because he could and dropping me off at the neighbors house when he agreed to babysit and was getting paid for it me so our parents could go out. When James met Erica she was a jerk to me too. She made fun of the walk I talk because of my stutter and she ignored me unless our parents were there.
For a while my parents and James had a bad relationship because of how he (and Erica later) treated me. But they made up and became close again and stayed close even when he didn't invite me to his wedding. He/they ignore my birthdays, they ignore me at Christmas, they never invite me to parties they throw and it's not an age thing because kids younger than me get invited. It's all a me thing.
I asked James why he hates me and he ignored me and when I tried to push him to answer he laughed in my face and told me to get away from him. James and Erica have their three kids, who I don't know btw, and they've another on the way. Erica's had a rough pregnancy and my parents help keep their house clean and stuff on weekends and they have sent them money.
But my parents don't really cook much. And I cook usually on Sundays and meal prep lunches for school and other stuff. I pay for the ingredients I use because I don't really like the stuff mom and dad sometimes buy and it's sometimes because we/they mostly eat takeout for dinner.
James started asking for food so Erica and him didn't need to worry about that so much. My parents said I should do it since I meal prep already and James said it would be perfect. My parents said to use the stuff they buy and meal prep for James' family but I told them I won't put my time into making food for people who treat me like crap.
My parents said they're still our family and James was like wtf why are you okay with hurting my family when our parents told him. My parents said they were very disappointed in me and this was the chance to build some bridges. AITAH?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Bothtreacle7534 wrote:
NTA.
It's not the victim's job to try to start building bridges. Something your parents have to know already.
OP responded:
They don't care about that. He could do worse and they'd still ask me to do this for them. I would have thought refusing to invite me to his wedding would have said it all but no.
Trailsya wrote:
NTA. Your parents are disgusting for even asking that after all they did. Your brother and SIl are bullies. They are also stupid, having so many kids when they clearly can't take care of them.
Your big brother is the problem child and very often parents make the other sibling do stuff to help the problem child.I would personally say something like that you're deeply sad and maybe even traumatized (if that's the case) by how they treated you. Ask for therapy if that's what you want.
In other words, make their behavior towards you, everyone's problem. Totally fine to cry if they try to belittle this and say being bullied that way is affecting you. You might even want to talk to a school councillor about it. The way your family treats you is not normal. Your brother and SIL's stupid decision to have this many kids is not your problem. Especially since they acted that badly to you.
SassyCatLady442 wrote:
NTA. Nope. You don't need to meal prep for strangers.
Lanky_Translator8698 wrote:
LOL food is love, OP. And James and Erica have never loved you. Tell your parents that it's not your job to "build bridges" with an adult who burnt them, repeatedly, on purpose, for the last two decades. You are 17. He is 28 and apparently breeding like a rabbit, hence knows where babies come from.
Feel free to keep your distance and allow him to experience the full consequences of his choices and actions. That's the only way he's ever going to learn. Maybe stop doing your meal prep when your folks are around, OP?
Maximize the hours you spend out of the house, either crushing school or working and saving money. And start looking now for your next home, 'cause after your refusal, James is going to want to lean on your folks to kick you out. NTA but get really serious about your launch plan, OP.
OP responded:
I talked to my school counselor about the homes issues before. The only reason it came up in the first place is because teachers remember my brother and asked me about him and I'd be honest that I don't know how he's doing because we don't talk and it raised concern.
She asked me if I tried speaking to my parents and when I said yeah we went through what I said and what they said and she realized that there was zero point in trying more. My parents don't want to get me my own therapist or anything like that. They didn't even know I spoke to the school counselor.
Celqu wrote:
NTA. You are 17, and this isnt just refusing a favor; this is refusing to serve as unpaid, emotionally mistreated staff for AHs who actively neglect and mock you. The real issue isnt meal prep; its that your brother and SIL are textbook bullies who see you as invisible unless you are performing a service they can exploit.
Stop trying to bargain for affection from people who laugh at your stutter; they are never going to stop hating you. Block them, focus on your own life, and save your energy for people who actually care if you live or die.