'AITA for refusing to help my coworker paint his new house in work clothes?'

"AITA for refusing to help my coworker paint his new house in work clothes?"

So I (27m) have a friend from work (31m). We’ve known each other only about two years, but have gotten fairly close. When I moved to a condo a few months ago, he helped me paint and I’ve been meaning to help repay him the favor on a house that he just brought.

Things keep popping up and we’re in busy season at work (we’re both teachers and it’s middle of the year testing period) so I have admittedly been pushing it off. Anyway last Friday he asks me if I want to stop by after work and see the house. He doesn’t live there yet, so it would be mostly empty, but I could finally get a look at it and then we could grab dinner and drinks in the area. I say that’s great.

He drives and I’m immediately taken aback that the house is further than I thought; he had said about an hour away but it ended up being a close to two hour drive with traffic. I’m trying to enjoy seeing the house but I’m immediately stressed because I’m realizing that this is going to be a massive out of the way inconvenience to do after work (he can’t do weekends, as that’s when he has custody of his kid).

I see that the paint is already brought and I say since I’m already out here why don’t we do now? He had already prepped the place to be painted and he seemed into the idea. That way I wouldn’t have to do a whole other trip. The issue was I was wearing fairly nice work clothes that I didn’t want to mess up so I asked if it was cool if I just wore my undershirt and boxers. He looked at me like I was crazy.

He said if I didn’t want to do it just don’t do it but please don’t make dumb excuses. I felt taken aback, because I didn’t think it was unreasonable to not want my clothes to get dirty. I ended up not painting because he wasn’t into the idea and I just went home.

EDIT: Since everyone’s asking he had NO STUFF at this house. He was also planning on traveling back that night. He hadn’t moved yet.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

cassowary32 wrote:

NTA. You were basically kidnapped. If he had everything set up already, he knew what he was going to do when he asked you over. The least he could do was offer you a change of clothes if he didn't give you a chance to pack something appropriate.

OP responded:

He had no clothes there.

wicked-valentina wrote:

NTA. You presented a reasonable proposition, but I'm not sure why he can't paint with his kid around. Young kids LOVE to help paint. Older kids probably should help paint anyway and pick up some life skills. Just propose a weekend day and make good on your word. Nothing worse than a welsher just because its inconvenient. Suck it up buttercup.

OP responded:

His son is an autistic toddler.

Calm_Start6742 wrote:

Ugh I had a coworker like that except instead of helping him paint, he wanted help moving. He made it sound like he had a crew of multiple friends that would be helping, that everything was packed and ready to load into a U-Haul and that the distance between the two places was close. FALSE!

First, there was no U-HAUL. There was his new boyfriend who had a compact car, and an elderly female friend that is a hoarder so she was basically unpacking things and standing in the pathways.

So the transportation was my SUV, the compact car and his sedan. The distance between the places was two hours. He had no food or even water for us. There were two dogs who were not trained and pee pads every where.

Everything in both places was dirty and gross. Hardly anything was packed and the furniture was not taken apart. My husband, who didn’t even know him, did the best he could to fit what he could in the vehicles. We agreed to do one trip to the new place and then my husband and I went out to eat and went home. Never again.

Illustrious-Shirt569 wrote:

NAH. I think your title is misleading though. You proposed to paint right then, but in your underwear because neither of you had a change of clothes and you didn’t want to ruin yours. That was a reasonable proposal, and it was also reasonable for him decline and prefer to do it later when you were both better prepared.

Pendragenet wrote:

Slight YTA. Your perspective: Your friend helped you paint so you owe him the favor in return. He buys a house and you offered to help him paint his new place. Things are busy but when you are both free he asks if you want to see his house. You say yes. Then you find out that it is further out from the city than you want to go.

So now you are focused on not wanting to have to do that drive again. You arrive, see all the supplies, and suggest you paint now instead of coming back out another day. He says OK. Now, you realize you are in your work clothes and don't want to mess them up. So you want to strip down to your boxers to paint. That's reasonable.

His perspective: He helped you paint your condo and you offered to help paint his new house. When you both finally have the time, he asks if you want to see the house. You say yes. During the drive out there, he starts noticing that you seem a bit put out. He wonders why.

Upon arriving, you suggest painting tonight rather than make another trip. Ahhhhh, you are put out by the travel time. OK fine, we can paint now if that makes you happy even though he is in his work clothes. Then you want to strip down to your boxers because you are in your work clothes. Well so is he - because this was just supposed to be a "come see my house" visit not a painting night.

He realizes that you don't really want to paint, you are just suggesting to do it now so you don't have to bother coming back again. That's selfish. Slight YTA. You put your slight inconvenience of having to travel an extra hour one way over helping a friend who helped you.

Weeman2525 wrote:

It sounds like you were free that evening, and since he can't do weekends y'all would have had to do it on a weekday after work anyway right? Why didn't he just ask you if you could do that day after work instead off bamboozling you into thinking y'all would go get dinner and drinks?

LeafLore wrote:

I say NTA, it’s common knowledge painting is pretty likely to ruin your clothes. You even offered to stay and paint in your undergarments and he chose to make that weird.

If I was in your situation the only other thing I might have done would be to ask if he has some spare clothes you could borrow that he wouldn’t mind getting paint on, or maybe checked to see if there was a thrift store or Walmart close by to buy a super cheap set of clothes to paint in.