'AITA for refusing to help my friend with her side hustle after she kept taking advantage of me?'
"AITA for refusing to keep helping my friend with her side hustle after she kept taking advantage of me?"
So I have a long-time friend Rosa 27F. We’re not related, not dating, not coworkers just friends who’ve known each other for years. Recently she started a small side hustle selling handmade skincare products.
I was genuinely proud of her. At first, she asked if I could help her with occasional tasks like taking photos of her products, carrying boxes to her car, or helping set up her table at local pop-up markets.
I said yes because we’re friends and it didn’t seem like a big deal at first. But then it became a pattern. Every weekend she’d need me for something:
– Can you come early and help me rearrange my display?
– Can you stay another hour? I’m behind.
– Can you deliver this order? You drive faster than me.
– Can you watch my booth while I go ‘network’?” (She’d disappear for 45 minutes.)
She never offered payment or even lunch. She’d just laugh and say, You’re such a lifesaver, like that was enough. One night she texted me at 10 PM saying: Be at my place by 7 AM. Big market tomorrow. I need your help. Not asking. Telling. I replied: I can’t tomorrow. I already have plans.
She immediately called, annoyed, saying she was counting on me and it was unfair of me to back out. I reminded her I never agreed to anything. She said, You know I’m building something. Real friends support each other. The next day she sent a long message calling me selfish, inconsistent, and unsupportive of women trying to better themselves.
She added, If I blow this market because you bailed, that’s on you. At that point I’d had enough. I told her I’m done helping with the business entirely. I said friendship shouldn’t feel like unpaid labor, and if she needs an assistant, she should hire one.
She left me on read and later posted a vague story about people who pretend to support you until it’s inconvenient. Some mutual friends think I should’ve been more patient because she’s stressed and trying to grow a small business. Others think she was basically using me for free work. AITA for stepping back?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nebagram wrote:
'I said friendship shouldn’t feel like unpaid labor'
And you're exactly right. Giving 9 hours notice, especially overnight, is just ridiculous. She clearly knew about this well in advance and decided that you didn't need to know until your presence was demanded. NTA.
OP responded:
The lack of notice was the final straw. I’m always happy to support a friend, but not to be treated like someone on call for free.
Fullfatgingernut wrote:
NTA.
Support should come from both sides in a friendship, the fact that you told her you had plans and she neither understood or seemed to care is all you need to know really.
OP responded:
Support should go both ways. Her reaction made it clear she only valued my time when it benefited her.
a11ychief wrote:
NTA. I do not know who needs to hear this but your friends are not your employees and they won’t be friends either if you treat them how the OP has been treated.
Colleagues can become friends later if business stays top priority, but if you are an employer who expects free favours from friends that border on full time work, that’s a sign you need to hire someone pronto. Even paying them, it’s incredibly different to keep a non-business friendship after that.
You’re absolutely doing the right thing, as someone who’s been on both sides of this mistake. I hope you get a chance to talk it over with them, explain to them that you want to be friends, you want to see them do well, and you’ll help where you can, but you are not an employee, you’re a friend.
You can be there to pick them off the floor after a bad day, but you can’t do that if you’re also packing up the stall after a bad market day. Good luck, I relate to this and feel your pain.
opelan wrote:
NTA. She clearly needs to hire help if she can't do the workload alone. And should this mean that she makes no profit from her side hustle, then it is just a hobby. If she wants to earn money, most likely she should rather look for another job. There is so much competition when it comes to skincare. The chances of her ever succeeding in having a real proper business is super tiny.
"Some mutual friends think I should’ve been more patient because she’s stressed and trying to grow a small business."
Tell those friends that you are not stopping them from doing unpaid labor for her in your stead.
Aryasilverstone wrote:
NTA - she knew days if not weeks before hand about that market and she told you at 10pm the night before to be at her place for 7? No she is 100% using you for free labour. "Not asking. Telling." Would piss anyone off and if anyone has a problem with that just screen shot that message with time stamps and sent it around. She clearly needs staff of some kind and isnt willing to pay for it.
Snickerdoodle2021 wrote:
NTA. You used a word that I think you don't know the correct meaning of. You said she was "basically" using you for free work. She wasn't "basically" doing anything. SHE WAS USING YOU FOR FREE LABOR!
You were supporting her, you were encouraging her, you were helping her to your own detriment. If she wants to run a successful business, she should know that successful businesses don't crash and burn because a friend won't work for free at her beck and call.