'AITA for refusing to help my GF financially after she quit her job?'
"AITA for refusing to help my GF financially after she quit her job?"
So I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for a little over 2 years. We live together and split most expenses roughly 50/50. I’m not rich, but I work full-time and budget carefully so I can cover my share of rent, bills, and save a little.
Last month, my girlfriend suddenly quit her job. She didn’t tell me beforehand — I found out after she had already done it. Her reason was that she “felt burned out” and wanted time to figure out what she really wants to do. I do understand burnout, but this completely blindsided me.
Now she expects me to cover her share of rent, groceries, and utilities until she “figures things out.” I told her I can help a bit short-term, but I can’t fully support both of us on my salary, especially when this wasn’t discussed at all. She got really upset and said that couples are supposed to support each other and that I’m being selfish and unsupportive.
Since then, things have been tense. Some of our mutual friends say I’m being too harsh and that I should step up as her partner. Others say she was irresponsible for quitting without a plan and assuming I’d pick up the slack. I feel guilty, but I also feel like this isn’t fair to put on me without any conversation. So…AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ParticularPath7791 said:
NTA. Everyone gets burnt out. You keep your job while figuring out your other options not quit before.
TopWelder9653 said:
NTA. Financial responsibility should be shared, not assumed after unilateral decisions.
Nanabanafofana said:
NTA. What she did is a relationship killer. Does she have any savings that she can live off while she contemplates the universe? If she can’t figure it out in a month you have some serious thinking to do about your future with her. I will admit that my past with a financially irresponsible ex-husband has colored my view of these types of situations. Good luck.
SecretaryPresent16 said:
NTA. When you are in a relationship, ESPECIALLY when living with someone, it’s disrespectful and overall irresponsible to quit a job without some type of conversation/plan with your partner. I understand burnout but unfortunately adults with bills to pay don’t have the luxury of just “figuring things out.” That’s not how life works.
Ataru074 said:
NTA. Your EX GF just showed you her true color. The friends saying you have been too harsh can chip in offering her a place to stay and meals while she figures out what she wants to do. That kind of impulsive behavior and lack of communication should be enough to kick her to the curb.
Faylinnes said:
NTA. Burnout is real but quitting a shared income household with zero warning is wild. You’re her partner, not her emergency fund. Support means talking first, making a plan, and not voluntelling you to bankroll her life. Helping a little is fair, covering everything because she decided to is not.
Melodic_Policy765 said:
NTA. You said you could help her short term which is more than generous. I am assuming you defined this for her. Myself, I'd be okay with a week before a partner better get off their butt and start looking for a job...three days would be preferable! I can't imagine my partner quitting without discussing it. Good luck.