'AITA for refusing to hold a graduation party for my daughter for getting her GED?'
"AITA for refusing to hold a graduation party for my daughter for getting her GED?"
I will try to keep this as short as possible. My middle daughter has always struggled with academics. She was in the average classes usually getting a C or B. In high school it got harder and she went through a lot of tutoring. When she was 17, she almost failed out. She had been tested before, but it came back with nothing.
We learned at that time that she decided to stop, she wasn't turning stuff in and told us there was no point since she doesn't do well academically. She also had a huge resentment at the time for her younger sister that was academically inclined.
She turned 18 and refused to go to school and dropped out. After this she spiraled and ruined a lot of relationships with friends and family. She had an addiction. Her three siblings do not speak with her and my wife doesn't interact with her. That's a whole different story but in short she stole a lot of money.
She is now 26 and back on track. She called me asking me to host a graduation party since she got her GED. That I did it for the rest of the kids. I told her no for three main reasons. The first being she isn't a graduating, she got her GED.
No one will show up, she has screwed almost all of the family so they won't go and her friends are shady so I don't want to invite them. My last is that she is 26 and this was suppose to happen when she was 18. She called me a jerk.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
many_hobbies_gal said:
NTA, but I might offer a compromise, she needs to try to make ammends with the family. If she does then I might offer a nice dinner out with the immediate family or those willing to go. Her accomplishment deserves to be recognized but she also has some work to do. Sounds like until now things have been pretty toxic.
strut84 said:
NTA - 4 months of being in the straight and narrow doesn’t make up for 7 years of poor behavior and destroying relationships. But I think the least you could do is take her out for dinner or something.
screamqueen57 said:
YTA. It’s understandable to be frustrated with who your daughter was in the past. It sounds like your family went through a lot and she burned a lot of bridges. However, it’s also important to recognize she’s young and was even younger when she made those mistakes.
Yeah, a GED isn’t the same as graduating high school, but it’s a really big accomplishment for your daughter, who had given up on believing she was worth anything because she did poorly in school. I think your daughter just wants an opportunity to show your family that she’s turning her life around and has accomplished something.
The fact of the matter is, if you refuse to acknowledge this achievement because it’s not a “real graduation," you’re telling her that nothing she does will ever be good enough. It wouldn’t kill you to throw a celebratory dinner and make her feel special for a night.
perfectpomelo3 said:
NTA. Your reasons to not do it are valid. The family won’t show up and you don’t trust her friends. Maybe offer to take her to a celebration dinner?
asuicidalpsycho said:
YTA, so she f'd up, trust me, she knows that. But she got her life back on track, your words, presumably on her own from addiction which is worth a celebration of its own. She's not asking you to rent out Madison Square Garden. She wants to be loved and for someone to be proud of her. Don't be surprised if you send her into a spiraling nosedive of self-destruction.
FancyPantsDancer said:
NTA. Given what sounds like a strained relationship, at best, her request seems inappropriate. I do think your response was harsh, though. I think saying no as a complete sentence would've been fine. I'm a little torn on points 1 and 3, because getting a GED at any age can be a big deal for some people. I think 2 is fair, though.