'AITA for refusing to host family dinners even though I have the biggest house?'
"AITA for refusing to host family dinners even though I have the biggest house?"
I (30M) bought a house last year. It's not a mansion, but compared to the small apartments my siblings live in, it's definitely the most spacious. Ever since then, my mom has been pushing me to host every single family gatherings, birthdays, holidays, even random Sunday dinners.
At first, I agreed. But hosting all the time is exhausting. I do the cleaning before and after, I pay for most of the food, and people often just leave their mess without helping. Last easter I spent the entire evening washing dishes while everyone else relaxed.
So I told my mom and siblings that I don't want to host every gathering anymore. Maybe sometimes, but we should rotate. They all got upset. My sister said I'm selfish because I don't have kids so I have more free time. My mom said I should be grateful I even have a house and should share it with the family.
The thing is, I like my family, but I feel like I'm being treated like a service, not a person. They don't even ask anymore, they just announce: "We'll be at your place Saturday." When I said no last time, my brother accused me of turning my back on family and implied I only bought the house to flex.
Now I'm wondering if maybe I am being stingy. After all, I do have the space, and it's not like I don't enjoy having them over sometimes. But I just don't want it to be every single time.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ImAnNPCsoWhat said:
NTA, your house your decision. But also if you want to compromise, your house your rules. If you're hosting it is potluck style, someone else does dishes, someone cleans. The dishes and cleaning are on a rotation. Any adult unwilling to provide food or clean is not invited. Be firm. You are not a doormat.
Ajowhan said:
NTA, in my family, no one argues about stuff like this because everyone always volunteered to help with clean up, foods and everything, its the Asian in us. I would personally have set the boundaries after 1 time, I don't mind hosting but I would need help with clean up and/or food the next time.
deadlyxoxo_ said:
NTA. Having space doesn’t mean you signed up to be the family event center. If they want to enjoy your home they can also help carry the load.
_dixxoutforCK said:
NTA. You can refuse to invite people on the house you paid for. Hosting if fun for a one-time thing like a house warming event or sumn, but the fact that they expect it every single gathering? lol no. The siblings should have a rotation on the host and yeah, not your fault that you have a lot of free time because you chose to not have kids.
shammy_dammy said:
NTA. They're not pitching in? Sounds like this was just the excuse to drop it all on you, labor, expenses. They're users.
shammy_dammy said:
NTA. Just because you can host doesn’t mean you have to host. Rotating is fair, and honestly, long overdue.