'AITA for refusing to invite my brother to my wedding because he makes 'jokes' about my fiancée’s weight?'
"AITA for refusing to invite my brother to my wedding because he always makes 'jokes' about my fiancée’s weight?"
My brother (32M) has always had a “dark sense of humor,” and the family usually just laughs it off. I (29M) am getting married this fall to my fiancée (28F), who’s amazing, kind, and yes, on the curvier side.
Every time we see my brother, he makes subtle digs about her weight. Things like “Hope the aisle's wide enough” or “You sure you’re ready to carry all that emotional AND physical weight?”
I’ve told him multiple times to cut it out. He always says I’m too sensitive and that “she needs to toughen up if she wants to be part of this family.”
Last week, I told him he’s not invited to the wedding unless he sincerely apologizes to her and promises to stop. He laughed and said I’m being dramatic and letting her “control me.” My parents are now upset, saying I’m overreacting and ruining the family over a few jokes. AITA for standing my ground?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Enough-Process9773 wrote:
NTA. Parents should be told: "A few jokes - did you really think it was hilarious when he was making fun of my fiance's weight? What exactly did you find amusing about his remarks? Can you explain why you thought it was funny that he was making these comments?"
"I'm not the one 'ruining the family' - my brother is, with his nasty remarks that he refuses to apologize for or commit to stop making, and which apparently you think are hilarious."
"Either you want to be part of my family and come to my wedding, or you and my brother can have your own little family get-together making these 'jokes' about my wife. Which is it to be?" Brother is a lost cause. He's had plenty of chances to stop.
AllTitsSomeArse wrote:
NTA. If your parents can’t get on board with your decision, they don’t get to come either. It’s gone on long enough already. An apology is neither here nor there. If you’ve told him multiple times to stop and he hasn’t then he has had multiple chances to change already.
beckatcat wrote:
NTA. I feel have an understanding of “dark humor” and making fun of someone’s weight isn’t it. That called being a jerk, especially since you asked more than once.
Your family is also part of the issue for enabling and dismissing this behavior as just jokes. It’s giving “boys will be boys” vibes to me.
RusevDayToday wrote:
NTA. A dark sense of humour is usually about topics which are difficult to joke about, death, war, struggle etc. Insulting someone based on their appearance isn't a dark sense of humour, it's called being an a#$ehole.
The one ruining the family over a few 'jokes', is the one making them, and if your parents care more about him being able to get away with insulting your fiancee than your big day, then maybe it's worth considering their place on your guest list too.
Janky-Leg wrote:
Nope both your parents and your brother are the assholes, it would be one thing if you just up and said you can't come but after you've talked to him and told him how it makes the both of you feel and he still wants to be a dick, well then that's all he is, a dick.
You can try talking to him and your parents and reiterate that it needs to stop and its offensive and that it won't be tolerated and give them another chance but sounds like they'll just try and brush it off. Remember you get to chose the ones you love not the ones you're born with.
Trick_Few wrote:
NTA. Ask your parents if this is truly how they want to welcome their new daughter in law into the family because they really do suck. Your brother acts like this because he’s never had to deal with consequences. That’s on your parents.
LanaFoxxxy wrote:
NTA - absolutely not. It's bare minimum to stand up for your partner, and wow your family is abusive if they think you are overreacting. Your partner should feel absolutely amazing on wedding day (and you too!) and not have to be worried about disgusting comments like that.
KittyC217 wrote:
NTA. Your brother is right you can’t control him and based on his previous behavior he will fat shame the bride at the wedding. You have stated what he needs to do to be invited. Your parents appears to be confused you are not ruining the family over a few jokes that is your brother. I would put your parents on a short leash. They don’t need to be at the wedding if they can’t support you.
CapManor1755 wrote:
I'm so sorry- for both you and your fiancé. But I'm afraid you're under reacting not over reacting. You should have blocked him from spending time with your fiance after the second "joke."
Something is really really off about your brother- and about your parents. Is he their favored child? Are they a little afraid of him? Is he often on the edge of going off? Either way, now is the time to force your parents to step up- they either back you up or they lose your attendance at family functions.
You don't go alone- your brother either stops or you stop attending functions where he's present. It's painful how bringing someone else into the family- or creating your own new family unit- can cause you to look at your family with fresh eyes. What you're seeing isn't pretty. If you don't have a therapist I would get one now.