'AITA for refusing to join the same phone plan as my fiancé?' 'I need to see HARD NUMBERS.'

"AITA for refusing to join the same phone plan as my fiancé?"

The other day my (32m) fiancé (29f) was acting very upset and when I asked her what’s wrong she responded by telling me I don’t help her. When I asked what that meant she said she is stressed financially and that we should at least be on the same phone plan so that she can save money.

I’m on my mom’s plan currently because it saves me a lot of money due to my mom getting a nurse discount, family plan, and other discounts. I told my fiancé I can’t join plans together with her until she can at least have an open conversation about finances with me. Her current part time jobs are very unstable and I’m worried I may be the one that ends up footing our total phone bill if she’s short on cash.

I’ve tried sitting her down several times in the past to discuss our finances and set a budget because she was falling short on a lot of her expenses. She refused each time. I need to see hard numbers on paper like her income, debts, expenses, etc for me to consider being on her phone plan I told her.

I pay all of the mortgage and utilities on my house that she lives in with me so I feel I’m am helping her out tremendously in that way. I also help her out by doing car repairs myself on her vehicle and have saved her thousands by now. I’ll bail her out of situations here and there. I am very hesitant to take on any more extra expenses at this point. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Capable_Turn_6986 said:

It's time to immediately tap the brakes on this engagement. Financial stress is one of the leading cause of divorce, OP. You know what's really expensive? Weddings. You know what's even more expensive? Divorces.

If the two of you haven't had a frank discussion about your finances, you shouldn't even think about marriage. You are worried about footing the bill for your entire phone bill; you ought to be worried about footing the bill for everything, as well as taking on her debt.

Cheddarbaybiskits said:

NTA, but the cell phone isn’t the problem here. Her lack of transparency on finances should be a dealbreaker - do not marry her until you have it.

CarpenterMom said:

NTA. Keep the wedding on hold indefinitely until you know her finances (I would probably pull a credit report) and she has a stable job. Once you marry, debts she incurs are your debts.

It seems to me that her financial “plan” is for you to support her indefinitely, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she is “unable” to find work once she has you locked down. Financial issues is a top reason why people get divorced. If you’re heading for an eventual divorce, why not skip straight to the end so you don’t have to pay for a wedding?

scatterand said:

NTA, but why are you planning to marry someone who won't discuss finances with you?

OfAnOldRepublic said:

NTA. You need to tell her that all marriage plans are on hold until you have all the details of her finances. This is an incredibly unequal partnership, and I can't help but get gold digger vibes based on what you've described. Good luck.

Viva_Veracity1906 said:

NTA. You’ve had lots of financial advice but that thing of acting "upset" and then when you ask coming out hot with resentment over something that has never come up isn’t a healthy way to communicate. On top of her being evasive about her finances while feeling entitled to significant levels of support, it’s not looking like a great plan this marriage thing.