'AITA for refusing to keep feeding my best friend’s kids every week?'
"AITA for refusing to keep feeding my best friend’s kids every week?"
I 26F have best friend 27F since high school. She has two kids 5 and 3. I love them, and before this all blew up, I genuinely enjoyed spending time with them. Over the past year, Lilly has been relying on me more and more for quick favors that slowly turned into full childcare.
At first it was "can you watch them for an hour while I run to the store?" Then it became "can they just stay with you until dinner? I’m exhausted." And recently it is "I’ll drop them off before work. You’re home anyway." For context I work from home. I don’t have kids. I’m not their emergency contact.
And I’m definitely not financially in a place where feeding two extra children multiple times a week is easy. The thing is, Lilly never packs them food ever, no snacks, no diapers half the time. And when I ask, she says her budget is tight and she figured I already have food in the house. Which is true, but it’s my groceries.
I’m already stretching things for myself. Two weeks ago she dropped the kids off without even asking while I was in the middle of a meeting. Just knocked, waved, and left. I ended up having to feed them lunch and miss half my workday. That night, I finally told her we needed boundaries.
I said I can’t babysit unless I agree in advance, and she needs to send food or money for meals. She got really cold and said she thought friends help each other and that she doesn’t have anyone else. Then she accused me of acting brand new because I’ve helped before.
A few days later, she sent a long text saying she feels abandoned, that I don’t understand how hard motherhood is, and that it must be nice having a child free life while my best friend is struggling. Trying to blackmail me emotionally and all and I'm honestly not having it.
Now she’s barely speaking to me unless it’s passive-aggressive. Our mutual friends are split some think she’s using me, others think I should be more compassionate. I feel awful because I do care about her and her kids...
I know she’s overwhelmed but I also feel like she’s crossing so many boundaries that I’m basically a free nanny and meal plan at this point. So AITA for refusing to keep babysitting and feeding my best friend’s kids?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
hadMcDofordinner said:
All those compassionate friends can take over caring for your friend's children. You are obviously NTA for wanting to stop someone from massively taking advantage of you without so much as an assist with food or a proper ask before leaving the kids with you.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...Boundaries are important. You were being used. Mutual friends who think otherwise are free to offer their services.
Spare-Shirt24 said:
NTA Your friend is taking advantage of you. "She doesn't have anyone else" is not your problem. "Work from home" does not mean you can also watch/entertain/feed small children. You're working.
SnooChipmunks770 said:
NTA. Friends don't use each other like she is using you. There's a reason childcare is expensive. It's time consuming, expensive, and a hot commodity. She should be paying you for a service, not forcing her kids on you.
She's being a bad friend. Where is their father? If it's not you, then you have no responsibility here. There's a difference between helping out a friend and getting walked all over.
Icy-Director4129 said:
NTA. But sweet girl, she is not your friend and sounds like she never really was. This has nothing to do with motherhood, you lost your only value in her eyes, and that's dumping her responsibility on you. She is extremely selfish and manipulative and tbh I fear those kids don't have a nice future.
Wonderful_Two_6710 said:
NTA. You may have started out as friends, but now she views you as free...well...everything for her kids. She is taking advantage of you and emotionally manipulating you. Your friends have a problem with this?
Calculate just how much money you've spent on the kids in babysitting and food. Share that exorbitant number with them and ask them if they're going to start "being more compassionate" and footing the bill for her kids.