'AITA for refusing to let my brother and his pregnant girlfriend move in?'
"AITA for refusing to let my brother and his pregnant girlfriend move in?"
I (34M) bought my first home two years ago. It’s a 4-bedroom place, nothing insane, but big enough that people love to joke about me “hoarding space.” I worked ridiculous hours, lived cheap, and basically sacrificed my entire 20s to save for it. I’m proud of it.
For background: my older brother “Joel” (38M) practically helped raise me. We grew up with a single mom who worked nights, and he filled in a lot…cooked, watched me after school, took beatings for me when I messed up. I’ve always respected him for that. Here’s where things get messy.
Joel and his girlfriend “Lena” (29F) are expecting a baby. They live in a one-bedroom apartment in a borderline unsafe area. Two months ago, their landlord raised rent by a big amount and said he won’t renew their lease. They’ve been scrambling ever since. A few weeks ago, Joel asked if they could stay with me “temporarily." (Maybe 6 months, maybe a year). He framed it as a “family stepping up for family” situation.
I hesitated. I like my space. I like my routine. I like coming home to peace. I also just started dating someone seriously and we’ve been talking about her eventually moving in. And honestly…Joel and Lena are kind of chaotic people.
Loud, messy, emotional arguments at 2am, the kind who leave dishes near the sink and say “I’ll get it later” and then don’t. They also smoke weed constantly, which I don’t judge except I don’t want the smell in my house.
Still, I didn’t outright say no. I told him I’d need time to think. He didn’t like that. He said, “I helped raise you. I gave up my childhood for you. And you can’t even give us a few months of help?” That guilt hit me hard. My girlfriend thinks that crossing the “family obligation” line like that is manipulative, but part of me feels like maybe he’s right.
Then last week something happened that made everything worse: without waiting for my answer, Joel told the entire family group chat that they’d be moving in with me. Not “maybe.” Not “if he says yes.” Just: “We’re moving into OP’s house while we get stable.”
People immediately congratulated him for “finally catching a break” and praised me for “being such a generous brother.” I was blindsided. I called him privately and asked why he told everyone that. He said: “Because you were dragging your feet and I needed certainty for my kid.”
I told him I wasn’t comfortable hosting them. That I wasn’t saying never — just not under these expectations, not the way he forced it. I said if he had waited and respected the process, maybe we could’ve figured out boundaries.
But now I feel cornered and disrespected. He blew up. Said I was “choosing my quiet house over his unborn child.” Said he “should’ve let me rot” when we were kids. Said he “always knew” I’d end up selfish. Our mom is furious at ME for “abandoning him when he needs me most.”
Lena posted a story on Instagram about “finding out who your real family is.” Even my aunt messaged me saying, “You have FOUR BEDROOMS.” The truth? I do have the space. But I also know if they move in, they might never leave. And I’m scared of losing my home, my relationship, and my sanity.
Still…I keep thinking: Did I become the exact kind of person who forgets where he came from? My girlfriend says Joel is weaponizing the past and I’m allowed to protect my space. My family says this is the one time I owe him. So AITA for refusing to let my brother, who practically raised me, move in with his pregnant girlfriend… even though I technically have the space?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AvocadoJazzlike3670 said:
NTA your girlfriend is right, he’s weaponizing your past and manipulating you now. He won’t respect your space and he won’t find a place he will mooch and destroy your peace. Anyone that has something to say can take them in.
Shichimi88 said:
NTA. Hopefully your family doesn’t have keys to your place. Keep them out.
UnluckyCountry2784 said:
NTA. They will never leave because it’s free rent. And he will have the same litany every time you’ll ask them to move out. Actually he’s already using it to blackmail you. You also need to think that they will have a kid. And it will be in your house too. It’s going to be chaotic if you agree.
According_Baseball14 said:
NTA. Protect your peace. They will never leave.
JulieF75 said:
You know what you need to do. No way in heck should you let them do this. I would be furious, especially the entitled way they tried to make the decision for you.
Ronicaw said:
NTA. Protect your peace. Non-negotiable. Your brother is a train wreck. You know this. No matter their sad story, tell them no.
Odd_Tea4945 said:
If I was in your shoes I'd let them move in, BUT with written down boundaries and a time frame for they to leave. Like a rental contract. I don't know if not allowing them makes you an AH or not. I don't like the way he did it, but considering the past you two have I'd help them.