'AITA for refusing to let my daughter-in-law take my late husband’s wedding ring?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for refusing to let my daughter-in-law take my late husband’s wedding ring?"

I’m a widow in my 60s. My husband passed away 10 years ago, and I’ve kept his wedding ring in a little box with some of his things. It’s nothing fancy—just a plain gold band—but it’s one of the few things I still have that feels like him. Sometimes, when I miss him, I take it out and hold it. It’s been a real comfort over the years.

My daughter-in-law, Jenna, has always commented on the ring when she visits. She’ll say things like, "It’s so timeless," or, "I’d love to wear something with that kind of history." I thought she was just being nice, but last week, she came right out and asked if she could borrow it for a while. I didn’t really know how to respond at first. She said wearing it would help her feel closer to the family and honor my husband.

I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. The ring is so personal to me. It’s not just something you loan out—it’s a part of my memories with him. But Jenna didn’t seem to understand. She got upset and said she didn’t think I trusted her and that I was being selfish for keeping something so meaningful to our family locked away. She even said it would mean more to her to wear it than for me to just keep it in a box.

My son didn’t really say much at the time, but later, I got a text from Jenna. It was long and emotional. She said she was hurt, that I was treating her like an outsider, and that maybe I was “too stuck in the past” to see how much this would mean to her. She even hinted that I was being controlling, which honestly broke my heart.

Now, some other family members are saying I’m overreacting, and that it’s just a ring, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. My husband and I were married for 35 years. That ring has been with me through everything—good times, bad times, raising our kids. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but it feels like a piece of him is still with me. I can’t imagine letting it out of my sight.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable, though. Jenna seems to think I’m trying to shut her out, and the last thing I want is to cause tension in the family. I don’t know if I should apologize or stick to my decision. AITA?

FIRST UPDATE:

Something really weird just happened and I don’t know even what to think- so you know how Jenna’s been acting strange lately. The whole ring thing, getting rid of my late husband’s things and being obsessed with his ring …

Well, let me tell you—this situation’s just getting worse- really really bad. 6am this morning, my son calls me. He was worried about Jenna, said she wasn’t feeling well—-asks me if I’d go over to sit with her , but honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it. I didn’t even want to go, but I figured he asked, and I had to do my part.

When I got there, well, she was laying on the couch looking pale and shakey. She didn’t look like herself, and I immediately suggested that I take her to the ER but she snapped at me, insisted she was fine when I told her she needed to see a doctor, she screamed at me to leave her alone and get out.

Anyway, she didn’t want . She was angry—clearly not happy I was there at all. But, I thought, maybe I could at least help her make herself comfortable, right? So, I told her I was going to go to the bathroom, and then I’d leave her be.

So, while I was washing my hands I noticed the guest bedroom door was open. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I figured, well, maybe I can grab her an extra pillow or something. She didn’t seem like she was resting well and probably could use something more comfortable.

So, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I was just trying to be helpful, but when I was pulling a pillow down from the top shelf of the closet, I noticed something behind it—a box I had never seen before. It looked out of place, like it had been shoved there or hidden. I didn’t recognize the box at first, but then when I opened it, well, youre not gonna believe what I found inside!!!.

First, it was my husband’s old fishing hat. I thought we’d already gotten rid of all his old stuff when they helped me clean the house. But here it was, tucked away, and then some other random things—like his old scratched-up sunglasses and a pack of Black and Milds that I’m sure I never bought-

But I know my husband has smoked them in the past occasionally —and then, at the bottom of The box was a creased Polaroid photo— it was a picture of Jenna.It’s a photo of her when she was probably in her late teens or early 20s, standing in front of a lighthouse that I immediately recognized. It was a place we used to visit with my son, years before they even met!

So I don’t know why it was there with my husband’s stuff. I’m sitting here scratching my head because this is so confusing Why would she keep these old things and what is that picture doing in there?? Jenna screamed at me to leave from the other room and I was so startled , I put it all back and just left- I don’t want her to find out that I had been snooping. But I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m shaking. What just happened!!!?

SECOND UPDATE:

WHAT I HAVE SO FAR: The ring. Jenna’s obsessed. Said she “dreamed” my son should have it, but it feels more like she wants it for herself. Why?

The box. Found hidden in her closet:
Husband’s fishing hat.
Compass he always carried.

Photo of Jenna at the lighthouse—she’s late teens/early 20s.
Lighthouse. Husband loved it—camped there as a boy, took us as a family. Could Jenna or her mom have crossed paths with him there?

Her childhood. Lived w/ mom till 5, then foster care. Doesn’t talk about her mom—connection to my husband?
Her behavior. Pale, tired lately—stress? Health? Something else?

My son? Does he know something? Is he being controlled?
Son and Jenna’s relationship: They got together a few years after my husband passed. They’ve been married about four years now. Did Jenna know my husband?

I can’t say for certain, but I don’t think so—at least, not that I knew of. The photo of her at the lighthouse has made me question everything, though. The photo: It’s Jenna at the lighthouse where my husband used to vacation as a boy and took us as a family.

She looks late teens/early 20s in the picture. Keeping his things: The hidden box in her closet had my husband’s fishing hat, his compass, and the photo. It’s so strange—why would she keep his personal things like that?

Brother-in-law: I haven’t reached out to my brother-in-law yet, but that’s a good idea. Maybe he remembers something about my husband’s past that could help explain this.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Dangerous_Compassion said:

What does your son think about all this? Personally I think it’s weird that she has such a fascination with your late husband and his belongings. Definitely NTA.

AlternativeTruths1 said:

You're NTA. A wedding ring is a profoundly personal momento. It's a reminder of the life you and your husband had together. If you wanted to give it to her for her wedding, that would be one thing; but for her to ASK for it is wildly inappropriate.

How this whole thing strikes me: your daughter in law is profoundly disturbed. From your description of her illness, I'm suspecting she may be an addict and she was in the process of withdrawing from something. If she's not an addict, then she has some serious mental problems which need to be addressed, urgently.

Unlikely_Bag_69 said:

The fact that he died before she ever came into the family, so she has no previous relationship with him (that we know of — the lighthouse photo is a strange addition, but this all makes it so out of left field that Jenna is desperate to have a connection to the late husband. There’s SOMETHING behind all of this and I think people are in the right direction about setting up OP for them to declare her incompetent.

Prior_Asparagus4337 said:

That’s not normal, like at all. That’s legitimately one of the most insane and delusional things I’ve ever heard and you should probably consider limiting your interactions and relationship with Jenna from now on.

Select-Problem-4283 said:

Does your son know about the box of keepsakes? Sounds like your daughter in law needs some psychological help. It’s not your job to sort that out. Talk to your son and set the boundaries.

Human-Painter7022 said:

Jenna needs therapy. Jenna is a problem. Jenna has her own family should ask her mother for her father’s ring.

zorggalacticus said:

After reading the main story and all op's comments, it seems to me like they are trying to get the jewelry, the house, anything they can to sell. She's using the son, or he's in on it. Soon as that house goes in his name, she's gonna slap him with divorce papers and take it.

She's starting drama and running to family members to make op look crazy. Probably trying to get her declared incompetent so they can move her into the nursing home and take the house. There's definitely a scheme here. Put your foot down, don't give them a single inch. There are no good intentions here.