'AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law exclude me from my own marriage?'

"AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law exclude me from my own marriage?"

Sorry this is long, but I wanted to include context. I’ve also changed names so it’s less likely my MIL would recognize this if she came across it. I am Emily, 23, married to my husband Jake, 25. We have been together since September 2023 and married since October 2024. From the beginning, his mom Karen has made it clear she does not want me included.

When Jake told her in January 2024 that he was moving into his own place, she treated it like a betrayal. She walked into his room while he was packing and started rifling through boxes. She told him, “Do not think you can sneak things out of here. You are hiding things from me.”

Then she stood in the doorway and asked, “Is she making you leave? Be honest.” The morning he left, she sent him a long message about how he used to be an honest boy until I came along.

In May 2024 we got engaged. Jake called to tell her, excited to share the news. Instead of congratulations, she said, “I will never support this. She is not the right person for you,” and hung up. A few days later she posted on Facebook about women who “trap men with rings to isolate them from family.”

When Jake tried to follow up, she texted, “Your relationship would not look like this if she was not putting words in your mouth. I know those messages are not you. She wrote them.”

By early summer, her behavior had escalated. One evening in her kitchen, Jake was washing dishes and she came up behind him, wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her face into his shoulder.

She said, “My baby always smells so good.” She looked at me while she said it. Jake immediately told her, “Mom, that’s not appropriate. Please don’t do that again.” She brushed it off, claiming she was only being affectionate, but she never tried it again.

In the months before the wedding, Karen started deliberately leaving me out of plans. If Jake texted her that we were available, she would respond, “Great, I will pick up Jake at 11.” When I reminded her that we come together, she shot back, “I did not invite you. You cause problems.” She even called the tuxedo shop behind his back to “double check” his measurements, saying brides often get controlling.

By June 2024 things exploded. Karen accused Jake of abandoning her because he was reconnecting with his father. She texted him, “You chose her and him over me. She is making you do this. You are abandoning your mother. If you see your father, do not contact me.”

Around the same time, she and I had a direct confrontation where she told me she could never respect someone like me. She said I was too conservative and that she would never accept her son marrying someone who did not share her values. It was here that she admitted for the first time that she did not want me around.

We got married in October 2024. Right before the wedding, Jake received a message from Karen. It said, “Your little sister wants nothing to do with you, and neither do I. It is because of her. She has ruined everything.” She did not attend the wedding. She did not RSVP, send a card, or even acknowledge the day.

On the wedding day itself, she posted a picture of a sunset with the caption, “Letting go of people who abandon their mothers.” Later she told people I had prevented her from attending, which was not true.

The weeks after the wedding were some of the hardest of my life. Between the stress of planning everything without her support, the hurt of her refusing to come, and the constant blame she spread afterward, I had a miscarriage.

Jake blames his mother completely. I will not say she caused it, but I know the stress around her and the way she overshadowed what should have been a joyful time played a major role.

Even then, we still tried to extend an olive branch. In November 2024 we reached out, asking if she wanted to sit down together and start fresh. We kept it calm and simple. We wanted a relationship, but only if it included both of us.

Her response was another blow-up. She told Jake, “I will not sit across from her. She is controlling you. If you want to talk, it will be with me alone.” When he repeated that any relationship had to include me, she accused him of choosing me over his own family and ended the call in tears.

In April 2025, Jake offered counseling as a last chance. He texted, “If you want a relationship with me, it has to include Emily. I love you, and I will go to counseling with you. Will you come.” She replied that counseling was a trap I had set and that she would only meet with Jake alone to talk about our marriage.

In May 2025 we went no contact. I still feel guilty sometimes, because I do not want to be the reason Jake does not have a mother in his life. But I also know what it would look like if we gave in.

Holidays where I am excluded, family plans made behind my back, accusations every time Jake stands up for me. Eventually she would insist on private time with grandchildren and claim I was keeping her away if I said no. That is not the life we want.

We tried everything. We offered neutral hangouts, asked for a simple apology, even suggested mediation. Every time, she repeated the same line. She would have a relationship with her son, not me. So, AITA for refusing to let my MIL exclude me from my own marriage, and cutting her out?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Capable-Contact6868 said:

You are not the reason Jake doesn't have a mother in his life. She is. Knock that crap off. NTA.

Zestyclose-Height-36 said:

Nta. she is choosing to not speak to her own son. your husband is a standup guy for not falling for her crap.

SparklingElephants said:

NTA. From what I read, your MIL has serious issues towards you and there’s not much you can do about it unless she wants to make the change herself. You are lucky that your husband fully supports you and since you have both tried to work things out with her to no avail, I would personally just give up now trying and let her stew in her own toxic misery.

parkesc said:

NTA, it’s HER fault she’s not in his life.

Beauty7696 said:

NTA - honey, you put up with her crap entirely too long. I would have went no contact a long time ago. Live your life and try not to let her worry you.

sog96 said:

Sounds like she has FEELINGS for your husband. Best to make the NC and boundaries permanent. Make sure you document every communication in case you have to get court involved.