'AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery?' 'She offered to pay for it.' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery, even though she offered to pay for it?"

My husband (32M) and I (29F) are expecting our first child in August. We’re really excited, but admittedly a little overwhelmed with everything that comes with prepping for a baby.

One of the big things we were proud of was finishing the nursery last month—it’s simple but feels perfect for us. We went with soft colors, some handmade decorations, and furniture we either thrifted or built ourselves to save money.

The issue started when my MIL came over to see it. She immediately made comments like, “Oh, this looks so bare. Where’s the fun? Don’t you want your baby to be surrounded by bright, happy colors?” and, “It’s nice, but this feels unfinished, don’t you think?”

I brushed it off at first, but a week later, she brought it up again and offered to “fix it up” as a gift—saying she’d pay for everything and have it done in time for the baby’s arrival.

I told her I appreciated the offer, but we weren’t interested in changing anything. She got frustrated and said something like, “It’s not about you, it’s about what’s best for the baby,” and implied our “boring” nursery wouldn’t be “stimulating” enough. I don’t think she meant to sound insulting, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

Now, my husband is caught in the middle. He says he gets where I’m coming from, but since his mom is so excited and offering to pay, we should just let her. He also said, “It’s just decorations; it doesn’t have to be a big deal.” I feel like this is a big deal, though—it’s our home, our baby, and we worked hard on this space.

I asked a friend, and she said I’m being too territorial and should let MIL be involved since it’s a gift and I can always change things later. But I’ve seen posts on here where MILs steamroll boundaries, and I don’t want to set a precedent. At the same time, I don’t want to seem ungrateful. So, AITA for refusing her help when she’s just trying to be generous and involved? Is this a hill worth dying on?

UPDATE:

I wasn’t expecting this to blow up, but I appreciate everyone’s input. I wanted to give a quick update because things took a turn when my husband came home and filled me in.

While I’ve been stewing over everything at home, my husband ended up coming to the same realization on his own during work today. He realized his mom’s offer—while generous—was overstepping. He said it hit him that this is our nursery and we shouldn’t have to justify our choices to anyone, even family.

Without telling me first, he decided to call his mom to set the record straight. He explained that we’re happy with the nursery the way it is, we worked hard on it, and that it wasn’t fair of her to keep pushing us to change it.

Apparently, that did not go over well. MIL completely blew up at him, saying I was “controlling” and “turning him against her,” and then she texted me directly to say she’s cutting contact until I “stop being so selfish and ungrateful.”

I’m honestly stunned. I never wanted this to escalate like this, and I certainly didn’t ask my husband to confront her—he made the choice himself(I do fully support his choice tho) . I do feel a little guilty because I know how excited she was, but at the same time, her reaction feels...extreme?

My husband came home tonight, hugged me, and reassured me that I did nothing wrong. He told me he’s proud of the nursery we created together and that he won’t let anyone, including his mom, make me feel bad about it. I’m really grateful to have him in my corner.

I guess this is where we are now. I didn’t expect a nursery to cause this much drama, but here we are. I hope things calm down soon, but for now, I’m just focusing on my family.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

miyuki_m said:

NTA. You've already decorated it the way you wanted to, and both you and your husband were happy with it until your MIL spoke up. While the offer was generous, the fact that she is refusing to respect your decision is out of line.

Now is the time to set boundaries and let her know that you are this child's mother. You and your husband will be making the decisions. While she will be an important person in your child's life, you expect her to respect your choices. I suggest talking to your husband about this and making sure the two of you are aligned. You need to be a team.

girlaangeel said:

Honestly, it’s your space, your baby, and your choice. You and your husband worked hard on it, so you shouldn’t have to change it just to please her. I get she’s excited, but she should respect your decisions. Don’t feel bad for standing your ground!

coygobbler said:

NTA. I would just tell her you appreciate the generosity but you like it as is and you don’t want to discuss it again. Maybe even suggest she put the money for the nursery into a college fund for your kid.

The_Bad_Agent said:

NTA. Your MiL seems to forget that this isn't her baby. She needs to swerve back in her lane, and mind her own business. If she wants a new nursery, she can have one in her home EXACTLY how she likes it. Tell your husband to grow a spine, and put his mother in check.

Fubaryall said:

If you let her steamroll you on this, she will NEVER respect ANY boundaries in the future. This is ABSOLUTELY a hill to die on!

swoopingturtle said:

NTA. Nurseries aren’t really about the baby, they’re for the parents for the first long while. And what you’ve described sounds lovely. Your husband needs to support you and your decisions and back you.